Living in the edge

At these times right now, it seems that I am in the middle of a murky mud. Or in a quicksand which waiting to be drowned. Definitely, I am in a state of worriness, confusion and despair. Many factors affect my life right now, and I am not sure if I can make it.�

About my financial status, I am in a very deep flat broke. Hehe No explanations needed. In my business, I just got whacked again by my brother. Maybe, I am very tired, even the small things I tend to forget it. No rest I assume. Lack of focus I think and concentration bliss. The last time I wokred for 8 straight days was way back epldt days, even that's only email support, I flunked my QA. Hehe Other thing, hmmm of course, Ian reacted to my post. Well, it was a bad comment but that was expected, that I did not read through it. However, that was nice, in the sense that at least somebody read my post, especially to the person I'm directing to. Second, good thing, there is a comment. Which means, they really read my post. I know some people read my post but not reading through it, so meaning they only viewed it. Besides, I think somebody can really read a long blog. Patient reader. hehe

About my health, I haven't done exercises due to the buisness venture. I feel fat, definitely, but I don't have time to reall plan that. However, if everything goes well, there will be a day off and I will use that day to plan right.�

About family, it is very hard to be in a family which you have parents that seems have no chance of reconciliation, forgiveness, understanding and most especially, Love. It is very dissappointing that even though, I tried to do everything in this family, nothing seems to get along. It did not work. Very unfortunate for me. I hope that will change a bit. But I lost my hope to see my family together again, even for once.�

Love? It is very hard to find a new one, especially in this mood, very busy and very tired. Besides, I don't know who to go for and how to approach her in this situation. I am very loveless and single. Lonely as well, very lonely. hehe

It is very hard in this kind of life, sometimes I tend to forget things. I feel so helpless, unlovable like with the smiths says, and thrown away. I don't know why I just accept pain, then at return, I smile and move on. I know it's not right, but that's my personality I guess. Do I need to change myself as in total change of me? Do the opposite things, instead the usual stuff. Or be the opposite person that you might get surprised. Or you may think, I am not the Alfred you know. Hehe My life at this point? I am in a highway, which no one running, all alone walking carelessly. Very exhausted, very beaten up. I don't know if I can make it, I need a miracle. Jesus, save me. hehe�

With a grin smile, I let those things happen to me, because I still believe, God has a plan for me. I don't know what kind of plan it is, but I hope that will come soon, very soon. Please. Hehe I thank my friends as well, for somewhat helping me, I really owe you one. What if everything ends today? Did I enjoy my life?

I do think so.�

Don't worry, I'm still here.�