My Savior

God loves us so much, he gave his only Son, Jesus.. To save us all..

As I look my life for now, I've feel so much loose, not because I'm carefree. But I felt how Jesus loves me all the time. He saved me so many times, and raised me from my worries and fears. Before I was so self righteous, ignorant and careless about all the things I've had. Almost of them got lost, I was left behind and so forth. I thought my strength was enough to really solve all my problems and struggles. I thought to myself that I shouldn't rely to Jesus because I felt he might say you can do it alone and I know I've prayed so much to him, he will not let me down.

I failed, stumbled, and became a sinner.. And I thought he punished me for it that's why I lost almost everything, even the one I cherished for. My love for him..

For those times, I also blamed him for what's happening to me, family and friends.. To all people around me, the suffering and enduring pain.

However, at those times, even I thought I can end it all.. I just raise up and make myself busy to cover up those failures.. I still prayed for Jesus to help me but not to really recover what got lost. I prayed that help me to move on in this life, and hope for the better in the future.

As I moved forward those years, kept busy with work and other things, even I start the day of praying to him, I still felt tired and burned out. I'm having not worries, but brokeness and pressure that I just let it flow in my life.

I questioned him, why this, even I've done my very best to serve not only myself but all the people around me.

Then, another difficulty came then another and another problem came.. I thought it's coming again for the second time around. Nevertheless, I thought, admist these problems.. Those what happened in the past, and events that let me down..

I discovered, that he saved me from getting worse.

He saved me from totally losing control of myself.

He saved me from more failures to come or getting burned out more.

He saved me from addictions that makes me forgetting myself already.

He saved me from being hurt further.

He saved me through countless times of forgiveness, which came to a point, I feel ashamed that I needed to change.

He saved me, through his unconditional love.

He saved me for answering some questions that I asked for.

He saved me for having hatred to others, but learned to forgive and let go.

Through his words that nourished me everyday which I know give more meaning. From the books I read that inspired me to do better out of my life, even in a later time but I should start in small steps. A community that I felt more love than ever, even in great or worse times, shown me what we should do and serve him better in our life, here on earth.

A family even in this situation, I should be still grateful, that they love me and grateful I'm in this family. Friends that I can count for whether in good or bad times, happy times!

Those images, people and situations.. They are enough to say, they show God's love in my life. Although I've regretted it in the past for these realizations, but I did not dwell on that anyway. What important is, that now, I should hang on to faith, hope and love.. That God gave us through his son, Jesus.. I've learned so much for these past years, through him, I've changed my image of God.. Especially to myself, that I should love myself and learn to really forgive myself.. Pain, disappointments and worries will be there but I know, in this long journey, he will be always on my side. =)

Who died for us, not only to save us. But to show glory and salvation to all of us.. Always. Forever..

Well, before I used to cry every good Friday because of old tradition and teachings and yes, why you wouldn't cry for the one you love?

Now, I just feel sad.. But after for a while, I look forward because Jesus I believe, he will fulfill his promise of salvation, that is his Resurrection on Easter Sunday! That is the affirmation of our great faith. =)

Although for me, right now, even I'm such in a void state, not emotionally but in reality wise, unemployed and sort of economical status. I still feel relieved, looking forward that day that he will provide me not only what I need and want.. I also thought of serving him, to give a part of my life not only through tithes or offerings, but a higher form of service. Just what I heard earlier, continue to seek him through service. I always ask, seek but well, it's time to knock him, maybe that can answer my long prayers.. =)

He will give me what he thought, the best for me. Like what he did for all of us. =)

I know I'm still planning what's best for me, but I just surrender it to him, especially if those plans fail. hehe I know this journey will be a long one, maybe my lifetime is not enough to see the end of the road for me. But I know, I love this path, that one is always present in this one.. He would help me going all through this, because he loves me all along.

I know, believe.. That he is always..

My Savior above everything...