What if..

(I'm gone)

One of the hard posts to write about... What if indeed I'm not here? It's hard to imagine even to myself.. The reason what I thought about this was as you grew older and many people around you seems to be distant. Loneliness creeps in then add in other pressures that came in a flash.. I just want to go away or gone altogether. 

I believe that a value of the person truly shows when that person is gone. Someway or somehow, even with great memories, it's easy to remember them. Even that person has somewhat gave not good memories.. I started to think, who will look after my family? Or do the errands even they are mounting? 

Who will deliver good messages even in reality they are bad? hehe who will be the negotiator  to bring agreement in both sides even sometimes, I end up hurt? What will happen in gatherings of friends, without me? Encouraging them to come even they don't want to or sometimes, which I did not realize, brings fun to the party. What if I'm not there for a friend who needs help or just want a conversation? Will that person be saved? 

I can't imagine not visiting or meeting a friend in a surprise time. Or what if I did not meet them at that surprise time.. What if my blog did not exists, will any reader miss it? hehe 

After writing those sentences, I felt weary and sad.. It's because its hard to imagine that I'm not there at those events or situations. It dawned on me, that life is enjoyed best when you have a lot of relationships. Good, healthy or bad ones.. Short, long or indirect.. As long you see the person on the other side of the fence, it looks bad if you don't see any. 

I know I might be too sentimental or sound morbid. But as time really finishes fast, you don't want to forget moments that you're there, whether it's great or worst. Whether with that someone or a group of people.. In a small space, or in a big venue.. 

Life indeed shouldn't be enjoyed alone. Even you are forever single or happily married, never forget one thing.. Even you felt everyone left you or you're left behind....

I'm not alone. Besides, I don't want to be gone yet. hahaha 

Sigh.. I don't want to think this again. 

Back to regular programming. =)