flashbacks: Cooler Summer

(..End of Summer, Start of Rain..)

There was a time in my life na masasabi ko, satisified ako. One of the reasons, I love rainy season.. hehe I mean, despite sa stress and conflicts basta there is one thing that keeps you going, anything can be managed. Love is such a beautiful thing to keep. Always.

Never in my wildest dreams that there was a woman na tinanggap who I am and motivate to do better everyday, and yes, gives a smile in my face when I wake up. I also never thought that I'll meet na babae that is very sweet, yet fierce but gentle. Most of all, loving. Of course, admitted love first before even we meet in person. Despite the odds, and consequences.. 

Pero siyempre it took a long way before maging kami. I mean hmmmmm we were just chatting tapos texting, then talking over the phone, grabe mahal pa ang load noon kasi walang unli call! hehe Friendster pa noon dahil na din sa pics and stuff. YM and yun lang, exchange pleasantries sort of thing. Until one night...

She acted weird at nagdradrama, ayaw niya na makipagkita o makipagusap sa kin. Edi ako naman, siyempre di ako sumuko malaman kung bakit. So I called and sent lengthy text at yun thru probing, eh umamin. First time in my life especially searching that true love na ako yun di umamin agad. Alam mo naman ang history ko sa courting ladies, nauuwi lang ika nga today, friend zone. hahahaha Siya, nope.

Ako naman, napaoo din agad kasi first time saka for the record, less effort. haha Ang kapal ng pez ko that time. 

Anyway, after that special night.. There were no days na di ko siya pwede imiss tawagan or text kasi parang kulang ang araw ko. Without her sweet words or sometimes hate words, hahaha I really appreciate yun effort niya at ako din for her nung mga reply niya. Of course we can't help but eager to meet right away but due to some factors, we can't. =(

Well, a year past.. Or before going into our anniv eh we decided to meet, thanks sa election kasi busy sa kanila that time.. Pumunta siya Manila and sinundo ko siya from airport. That meeting was nostalgic, that glance of hers.. Her simple beauty mesmerized me, I mean in pics medyo di siya photogenic, pero sa personal.. Kaboom. hahaha Iba na eh. Wow..

So there, we rode a cab and stayed home. Mom was kinda surprised that day kasi di lang friend na girl ang pinakilala ko sa kanya, girlfriend agad. hehe So ok naman. Then first test of relationship comes right away. May pupuntahan kami event, reunion ng 4BA1, ayun meet number3, katapat si GF. Eh alam that time ni ex ang story ni number3, nakita ko yun lisik ng mata niya against her. Patay to, selosan agad. haha 

Pag uwi away agad. Naman oh. hehe After that and of course, honest naman ako at wala naman talaga kami ni number 3, eh maayos na. Well, she stayed for sometime sa bahay and she is always out everyday due to a lot of relatives, wondering until now, dapat, tumira na lang siya dun. hahaha Kaso, may rason kasi na di pwede ganun that time. =(

She went back to her home way down south... After weeks na she went back, then of course mas sobrang namiss namin ang isa't isa.. Biglang nagdecide siya na dito sa manila siya mag aral daw and magtapos. Grabe, I'm thrilled that time na akala ko I won't see her for another long time. But it will be soon agad. Wow! hahaha

That time, medyo buenas pa ko sa work kasi inilipat pa ko from HSBC Alabang to HSBC QC na nasa discovery suites pa dati. hehe So mas madali sa kin ang makita siya. 

Another surprise was well, sa amin pa siya titira! hehe Well, like others described. Live in na talaga to pero yun lang, kasama ang family ko dito. That time, I guess we did not really think others or what they say, what important is we just living full of love. =)

She went back at my birthday, one of the best birthdays I've had. hehe Then 6 months later we broke up. Sadly, we need to. =(

As much we did live together full of love, we faced reality within our midst. Fate like I always say against us. Dagdag mo pa ang other factors which won't be named but the ones who listened to my story, alam na. hehe Pero ganun talaga, sometimes, what you feel is for both of you is not in reality.

I realised we should blame ourselves for this falter. Noong una ibang tao pa, pero ung nagtagal, talagang kami na din ang cause. Lalo na if we we're kind indecisive in important things. Well, hanggang memorya na lang ang aming naging pinagsamahan. hehe

Di pa natapos sa hiwalayan, may problema pa after that! Lalo na sa side niya. Masyado naman siya pinarusahan.. =( Sometimes, I was so blinded due to love, naisip ko na puntahan sa place niya at check her out. Mabuti, natigil ako ng CRAP. hehe Ika nga ni doc, baka pugutan na lang ako dun. hehe Not kidding. It may be true.

I admit, it took me a longer time to move on due to well... How this relationship went far talaga, as much I want give every fun and darkest moments of this one, baka di na matapos ang post na to. hahaha Yun kasi.. Naisip na nga namin na magpakasal if everything went right. Edi magkakatotoo pa yun biro nila sa kin ngayon. hahaha 

I loved her caress and those lovely whispers.
I loved her natural hazelnut hair with that angelic face.
I loved her awesome dishes that she cooks, can match Mom's.
I loved her grace and posture.
I loved her voice, especially when she sings.. 
I loved her frailty that I should be besides her when panic starts.
I loved her above everything. Which of course, sometimes sobra. hehe

I used to send her something every monthsary, lalo na anniv. =) And she valued it. Especially my corsive letters, laki ng kinita ng air21 at lbc sa min. haha I wonder what happened to those stuff things. 

She also sent something to me, which some of them I kept. Hmmmm very good writer din.

What also surprised me, eh kilala niya ang mga taong malapit sa kin. Not only family, but lalo na yun CRAP, aba may time na lumalabas sila na wala ako! hahaha Which ok lang, at siya lang talaga nasama sa mga gimik ng CRAP, wag lang sa swimming, pahiya kami eh. hehe

Siyempre makakalimutan ba ang araw araw na taktak portion, ika nga ng CRAP kahit may reply madaling araw. hahaha

Everytime I tell this story, they ask friends pa daw kami. Nasan na siya, or nag FB ba kayo.. Siya yun hinanap. Grabe. haha As much I want to have connection to her, sad to say, I don't know. But I do know kung nasan siya or what. Block nga ko sa FB. hehe Mabuti pa yun iba, inadd niya, ako hindi. haha Bitter pero di naman. Kasi alam ko kung paano naman niya ko hanapin or well, she can just reach naman. Alam niya yun. Im just here and not really expecting from her. =)

The only things mattered for me after we broke up were she should be happy and free. With the news I heard from somebody about her, those things perfectly happened to her. =)

I'm now relieved. 

As for me, with all the ladies I met after her, medyo kinapos ako. hehe Because of her, bumaba ang standards ko. hahaha Kaso naging busy ako, alam niyo naman kung bakit at yun, ayaw ata talaga sa kin.

But it doesn't mean single na lang ako. Soon, there is one special lady that kinda gives me that love again. Ahay. hehe

Looking back, I learned a lot in that past relationship. Yun pinakanatutunan ko eh yun nalaman ko kung dapat yun tao pag nagmahal. It gives you not only joy or happiness in good times, but gives you hope in bad times. Of course, iba siyempre yun nasa taas, pero instant effect kasi yun iba ang nagmamahal sayo. Lalo na kung kasama mo pa parati. Saka masarap pag ang relationship defied all odds. hehe Paginiisip ko yun now, deep crap pala yun dati. hehe Sayang but at least we tried.

Kaya pag nanood ako ng eternal sunshine and blue valentine, peste naalala ko yun nangyari. hanggang dun lang. hehe

Great thing today, whatever path we chose for our lives, either way..

One time, as part of our lives, we loved each other.

Despite that coldness of rain, strong stormy winds, dissipated with the heat of the love. 

Cherished. 

realizations (part 9)

happy new year!!!!!!

133. Truth really set us free. Like me. hehe

134. I should have sided the right part of the house.

135. sana sumunod na lang ako sa options dati. hehe I hope I can still do that, better late than never.

136. I have downloaded more dark films than lighter films. But it doesn't mean I'm mad or scary. hehe

137. I love my family despite what happened to me.

138. I should gave myself a priority before than giving a priority to others. Help yourself before helping others. I am not selfish it's just it drained me. hehe

139. may mga taong talagang mabait. Lalo na ang mga kaibigan nandiyan lagi sa pagkakataon kailangan ng tulong. Salamat mga pare ko at "friends" ko.hehe

140. sometimes I need to push myself, further.

141. I really love Sarsi.

142. I know I already done it but you really need to forgive. Let others do the penalty for those who hurt you. hehe Bad karma for short. However, forgiveness makes you not godlike but at least, following him. Him above.

143. her. I still.

144. We do live because we have a purpose. I still don't know the whole purpose. hehe But I'm getting there.

145. 5 years is indeed damn fast. Wow.

146. dapat di na ko nagpakahirap hanapin yun avatar sa cinehan. hehe Peste. Sabagay kaysa manood ng Wapakman. hehe

147. Oh yes, I love dissing films that I know it will be a crap, some ol' crap. Like the one above. Another angels and demons.

148. Life will be different and better next year, I believe on that. Our lives.

149. Except for our country, it will become worse. yah. hehe

150. we should meet again. please, be good.

New Year Revelry

One hour before going to a new year..

Sabagay kanina eh may picture kami lahat, a whole family!!!!! Hehe Once in a century event. Bwahahaha

Two nights ago was a blast.

Damn CRAP, akalain mo kakain ng madami tapos laro pa ng CS, at uuwi ka ng 5am. Well, magbubukas ka ng shop ng 9am. Ayos, very good for our health. hehe

Mabuti nga at nagkita kaming apat na maayos, masaya at higit sa lahat, lalong lumakas ang samahan. Kaya sa new year, malamang sila ang mga pinakaaasahan ko mga kaibigan sa buhay. Di lang sa new year, it will be forever I guess. hehe Ang sweet. They are just in my back, or should I say, each other backs.

Three things I only wish for the New Year. Health, Prosperity and closer to God.

After knowing the truths, and looking back on those events, God never left me alone. I know I prayed a lot and asked those things I want asap. I did not come asap, but it did come at the time I needed it. hehe He knows everything and he knows what's better for us. I thank him and I hope that this new year, that he will always be my side and to all of us.

He is indeed a Big God. Thanks to him, I am still here and my family, even not together, nandiyan lang sila lagi, naghihintay at handa maging gabay sa isa't isa. Ang lalim naman. hehe Salamat!!!!

For new things to come, it will be a busy new year especially for me. I'll do that I never thought of doing, so let's dive into it. hehe If it works, then I'm kinda lucky. hehe I should believe in luck but not always.

Happy new year!!!!!!! Damn, yun usok sana di pumasok sa kwarto ko. hehe

A lot of surprises to come. Definitely. Just keep reading. hehehe

By the way, I hope, she is fine... and recover.

Tiger pala ang next year ha. Year of the growling tigers!!! hehe Talo na naman ang UST next year!!!! hehe

Release the tiger in me?! Naks. Scary. Rah!!!!

feeling from the past/games lost

hahaha my last call, well, a customer is looking a flashlight through ebay and he called us about it.. whaaaaaaaaaaatt!!! so well, he dropped the call after I told him, we don't manufacture flashlights.. hehe anyway, I hate to say, but UST will need a miracle to go into the final four!! damn.. they lead 16 points at one point of the game then lost in OT.. see you next year!!! Air 21 lost it's edge on Sunday.. they should win on Wednesday!!! damn..

my blog today has 2 titles because that's what happened for the past 2 days.. Sunday night until Monday night.. actually in 1 day.. hehe I am sad on Sunday night due to my teams lost.. I felt, I wasted time watching TV.. hehe then there is Monday.. hmmmm I am checking some emails and friendster and multiply.. got acquainted with my college friend and gave some, interesting info.. hehe and well, I was able to spoke with somebody speciall.. hehe

after that, well I watched some episodes of Bubble Gang.. I haven't watched that gag show for the longest time.. years I believe since I am working at night.. that's one thing I really hate working at night.. hehe I am missing so many things.. damn.. anyway, there is one segment there, called angelina and her yaya.. angelina is a really spoiled brat.. hehe I laughed at a line "yaya, you're such a loser" with the L sign and conviction by Ogie Alcasid.. hehe and Michael V is the yaya with a visaya accent.. haha that segment made me laugh yesterday..

after that.. after watching those segments and fixing some things in my online accounts.. I ended up sleeping.. I thought sleeping early.. but I can't.. the reason why? the person I met, is always in my presence.. you know, mind and heart.. again, even I am telling myself, it won't work dude because you know the reason.. you already know.. maybe my heart says, don't give up yet.. it's very conflicting with my mind and my heart says.. well, I ended up crying a bit because I don't to happen what happened before.. maybe, I was just eager to go into relationship again.. hehe but I will just enjoy her company.. and see where will be going to.. it's like the feeling I have is between friendship and love.. haha I know you maybe confused but that what's I am seeing and feeling now.. but of course, I want to keep my sanity and not to pressure our great relationship..I don't want to ruin it because of this stupidity.. hehe whatever it is.. I will be waiting.. but if there is a new one.. why not? hehe

well, the one at my back, our PE.. process engineer, not physical ed!! hehe looks somewhat familiar, to again.. someone from the past.. hehe oh well, later after my shift, I will be sleeping.. just sleeping.. my new glasses will be available on Thursday AM and I hope, please, this time, this should be the correct glasses.. after this, I don't know what to say.. or what else to say.. everytime I sleep, or half sleep.. hehe I feel like in a oblivion.. in an alley of dark abyss.. maybe, the problems I have, I really tried to not think about it.. but well, like in the anime Berserk.. I have brand on my neck.. haunting and consuming me.. damn.. God help me.. hehe but my faith won't go away, especially at these times.. faith like the canaanite woman.. well, that was the Gospel this last Sunday..

I checked the blog of my dear college friend.. full of pictures I say.. I don't have one.. but if I really don't have to post one.. what will I do? hehe anyway.. my life has a long way.. a long road to take.. I don't know what kind of road.. maybe it's a pedestrian.. or intersection.. long winding road.. road to sagada? hehe or a rocky road.. or an asphalt road perhaps.. hehe but whatever road it is.. I hope I will reach the end of it.. the end of this misery.. the start of a new dawn..

maybe I really need to finish the book that I should read.. hehe to just give me a peace of mind, other than the Bible.. 1 and a half hour left for freaking lunch.. waaaahhh!!! I am getting tired!!! for the day.. hehe it is very hard to forget such person.. the feeling.. the face.. everything..

do I give up or give in?

2 years..

well, it's queuing today.. good job.. hehe so the real work starts today.. by the way, I came from the wake of Nina's mom.. it was sad thing for her.. losing a mother is really hard to accept, I can see it to her eyes.. even she is telling us that she's ok.. but still, you can deny that she is having a hard time coping the loss.. I hope that she will overcome it and just pray that her family will cope up what happened.. hmmm, before I went to the wake.. of course, I fell asleep on Monday night.. and woke up early around 6am.. I talked to Joanne and planned how to go to Nina's house.. so, at 9am.. I left the house and proceed right away to LP.. I went to RFC but the Magic shop there, unfortunately, was already closed.. no notes left on where they transferred or what happen.. anyway, I went right away to my sister's house but well, they are not there.. the only person I met was the carpenter.. he told me that my sis asked him to do some paint and cabinet jobs.. hehe so I left and went straight to Festival Mall in Alabang.. Joanne was late, we met like 1:30pm at National bookstore due to some errands.. but that's fine.. and then we went to Nina's house, which is kinda far.. hehe but I was able to remember it because we went there last 6-7 years ago because of her debut party! hehe it was a very long time ago.. so, we ate, talked a lot about our batchmates and our lives as well, then we went home around 5pm.. it took me 2 hours to go home from Alabang.. hehe so good thing for me.. I was not late.. hehe time for redemption... that's all.. good job..

but that's not the main topic for this blog.. hehe sorry.. this is the time.. why 2 years.. to tell you the truth.. everytime I am alone, or travelling around.. I am reminiscing the events happened last year.. as you see, I was in love with a person.. a very speciall person.. we should be celebrating our 2 years of intimate relationship, but unfortunately.. due to some difficulties.. some wrong decisions.. some troubles.. I don't know.. we did not reach on January this year.. at first, there is denial stage.. it is very hard to accept.. that it's over.. everything between the two of you, was over.. so much hurt.. so deep.. so I don't know feeling.. hehe just plain bad.. that's life.. very unfortunate.. that's love.. as well, very sweet when it's working.. very bland when it's gone.. and yeah.. after a while.. I was to accept such fact.. such feeling everyday.. however, like I said to Reggie.. memories are hard to remove.. especially fond memories with the someone you used to love every moment of the day.. and everytime that happens, I just stare at a blank state.. and back to normal.. yet, it's keep coming back for a while.. but after that kind of blank state.. I just give a smile on my face and move on.. but nonetheless, it is a hard process.. very hard, because I want to have that feeling back, but I cannot.. despite all of these, what can I say.. I will get that feeling back in a different time, maybe spending this feeling in a different lady.. I believe that love moves in mysterious ways.. naks.. hehe but yes.. I do.. love just comes that you least expected.. or some times, a surprise.. like what happened at that same night.. two years ago.. it's really a funny yet solemn feeling.. love.. there are so many definitions of love.. if I will state each of one of them.. it may take forever.. hehe but for me, love is heaven and earth.. simply as that.. why? when you're in love, it's like you're in heaven.. but when both of you are fighting, it's like earth.. it's chaotic.. yet manageable.. hehe I like earth as a better metaphor than hell.. in love.. heaven and earth.. if you see it, it's like one place yet a big place interconnected to each other.. like what happened to me.. we defied some laws I guess.. but despite what happened, what was the outcome.. I never regretted what happen.. even I know she is still bitter what happen.. I can't blame her.. but whatever it is.. If she is reading, which I believe it's impossible.. I apologize for what happened.. I know, you won't reply or whatever.. I hope you'll forgive.. me.. for anything that I did to hurt you.. I know you will not tell me.. but that's fine, I will be waiting just for that.. take care, good luck to your future endeavors.. if you have time, you can just drop by at our house.. hehe and pray as well for your health and success.. never give up ok.. so that's all I can say.. for you.. do I miss her? yes.. do I still love her? it's almost gone.. time is a one big factor, for healing.. the feeling I have for her, now, hmmm I don't know.. in between I guess.. hehe so.. that's all.. I hope, I can still send some flowers for you.. again.. anyway, what else did I do yesterday, I saw a magic shop at Festival, a bit expensive yet I got the cards I needed.. hehe so that's fine.. I wasn't able to sleep before I got to work.. damn.. hehe so I will make up for it.. later when I gone home from work..

anyway, I just need to focus now at work because we have only few avail.. hehe so take care.. good day, good luck and God bless to all! I hope, yesterday was indeed 2 years..