flashbacks: 30 years after

Wow, 30 years and 365th day is coming to a close. Can't imagine that I'll be a year older in after 8 hours. hehehe

Looking back those 30 years, this space won't be enough and I must say that although I'm happy but not satisfied. Oh dear, I haven't reach anything yet. hahaha However, despite the ongoing challenges I have or struggles not only within me but also around me, I can't believe I'm still here. I realized He did give a purpose to live. 

I can't go back to those years which I could avoid mistakes or failures. I can't even go back yesterday, and I don't want even to frown by it. Sometimes, even I done something good or great, I know I'm humble or not really going into it, but I'm not valued or a simple thank you will appreciate it. But sometimes, when everything such in a wrong direction or failure even I did not take part of it, it is my fault. Worse, I'm part of the blame. Its disheartening, or I felt I'm worthless. Worst of all, they brand me, selfish which most of time, I'm not. Especially these past years until present time, I don't know, am I still selfish? It was painful. Very painful. Thank God I'm such a forgiving and loving person.. hahaha

However, if I feel that bad vibes all the time, I won't be here. Mind you, I won't be writing either. But thanks to some close people and of course Him, that I feel valued, important, and most of all, love... =) Even in a small number or sometimes, not really related, that keeps me going thru this ironic life. Willing to fight, willing to share or if it needed, sacrifice. Now, whatever happened in the past, is done. I can't go back or get back or even revenge. 

What I can do for the next many years ahead are to be mature enough to accept mistakes or failure. Learn fast and cope with it. As I think for the best of other's, maybe I should also think for the best for me. Be healthy inside and out, geez less eating perhaps. Change. hahaha Live life that I want to in a honest and stable way. 

I may have current hard responsibilities or mountain of challenges with a bit of good luck going but I won't give up. I feel that by His presence alone, with the help of my family, friends and others, I could endure and win!

Besides, I can say..

Those 30 years past is worth living anyway.

I'm going to make the next years, let's say..

Fruitful. 

Thanks for those past years..