unplanned 45

Distractions. Choices. Deliverance. Impatience.

Those are the words that really flows in my veins these days.. As much, gusto ko mawala sila eh mukhang hindi. hehe I need to face them straightforward. Head on.

Damn these summer, kahit gusto ko lang sa kwarto eh napakainit naman. I wish I could go away for a while but I can't. One, nagamit ko na yun VL ko at wala ako balak gumamit ulit.. Two, wala ako extra funds. hehe

Distractions meaning a lot of things happening not me, but around me. Jealuosy, hmmmm Failures, or even yun mga nagkasakit. A lot.. Of course, those people na nagkakaexperience noon eh close to me naman, but as much I want to help or so, after I saw or they told me na ganun, minsan I stop what I'm doing then in the end, wala din ako magawa. hehe Sad but true. =( All I could do, pray for them or at least say some little encouraging words. Kaya siya distraction.. I don't blame them. It's part of this ironic life.

Choices of other things needs to be done. A person won't be satisfied to such one choice in life. Like me for example, especially at these times,  I have choices to make. Whether this or that, I should do a stern move before it's gone. Or better than be sorry to do nothing. I can say, I consider those other choices, especially sa career. But for now, siguro lie low lang here, and in the coming months, napagisip ko, lie low pa din. hehe Nah, if that is available, why not?

Deliverance from such boredom or a dull life. Well, I need perhaps earning more. hehe Nah, siguro lang kaunting bagot lang sa ganitong buhay, not to the things I do. Maybe indeed try to find a date.. Or go out siguro.. Or yeah, do some productive stuff. But since tight budget eh hanggaqng film library na lang or reading books that I have. How about, well writing here while waiting for other things to happen. Time is such an immovable monolith. It passes through but nothing changes. 

Impatience comes from those times that as much to get the result eh ang tagal. Gaya kahapon, bagsak ako QA agad, start of the month, gusto ko bumawi agad.. Siyempre, di agad agad. Kamalas ko naman. hehe But naisip ko mukhang challenging itong month na to.. I need to overcome yun bagsak na yun until I pass. Impatient for having the things you need. Well, as much I could budget, mukhang matatagalan pa yun ibang bagay. My computer has a time bomb already, baka one day, di ko na makita yun BIOS screen nito. hehe Other things that that will make me going but well, pagganito talaga mailiit ang pay, you need to wait. And yes, another factor as such, I'm getting older. Kung baga, I just want to have fast forward na lahat and succeed! Which I know, it won't happen in an instant.

Kakamiss magsulat ng unplanned ha. Hmmmm already at the 45ish time.. For now, as much I long for comfort or easy life. I can't.. But I will in the future. For now, all I can enjoy is what I have, and working hard to have those I wanted. Relationships that are still here.. Weaknesses that I try to conquer.. Strengths that I try to become stronger than ever. 

It's better that way, than drowning yourself into abyss. 

Whatever happens, I'm still writing perhaps. =)