Middle Life

After a light blog, let's go to something dark. After a lousy day, Tuesday I mean. I came home tired, then thinking what happened? I did not leave my shop, yet the sales got bad. I was there whole day. I think I went nuts that moment.

Then, it doesn't stop there. Mommy of course, asked for help which I can't give. I went to my room and here's my younger brother getting mad at me because I am just watching TV (he's kinda let's say perky) and yelled at me and oh well, I ignored him. I wish I can just have a place where I can be alone.

All the rants gone away and I was kinda hesitant of going downstairs, I took a bath instead. While taking a bath, I am telling you all those bad thoughts, memories, you name it, going through to my freaking head again. It's like Gatsu in the episode one. It's like a curse haunting me. Crap. Of course, I have no Griffith to kill. hehe

Then, all of the sudden, I just kept my sanity. I avoided doing something that will hurt me, myself.

How? I just believed him, there up.. I still believe at the end of these troubles. He will show me the light that he promised.

The problem is where and when?

After that moment, well the bath of course. I thought that maybe, this is a test, I know myself I am so patient.

Yet, this time, it's already exceeded. I can't wait anymore, I want to finish all of these mess.

However, maybe I just want to be rewarded for all things I've done in this life. But I don't see one yet. Hehehe Hay, life is definitely ironic. Crappy. Double Edged. Yin and Yang. Heaven and Earth. Or even Heaven and Hell.

I just want to give up.

Like I wrote in one letter, "If I die right now, that’s fine, I already met you. " hehehe Kidding aside. What I mean, no offense to my family, brothers, best friends, to all the people I met in my life, I am contented to live my life this way. Meeting the people made my life meaningful. I am very grateful to meet you all. Thanks!!!

Happiness, sorrow, hatred, grief, loneliness, victory, joy, and more feelings that I cannot anymore list here, are already here in my heart. Oh, the another feeling that I can say I'm so tolerable, or I can really take it is pain.

But they are all gone, what I meant is, I experienced pain and happiness in different ways. Physically, emotionally. Spiritually, you name it.

What a man I am. You might ask, how and why I am still here.

You know what will be my answer.

I don't know... You can help me, you might know the answer.

But what do I know is, hope, faith and love keeps me going and going and going until I reach what I call peace. Love and Freedom.

The purpose I have in life, is still not finished.

It sounds crazy but I just accept what will come to me, especially in these harsh times and I will just react in that situation.

Life just goes away....

I thank God for everything whether it was bad or good. I still thank him and love him.

We should to, everyday is like he is giving a chance to live according to our liking.

Aspirations. Dreams and Goals.

It is very hard to do it without him or the people around you. But in the end, what will keep you going is what I mentioned above.

That makes me going. That's why Gatsu is still alive amidst all the troubles or wars or battles he fought.

That's why my family, is still here. Or my friends doing what they know is right for them.

Maybe that's it. Faith, hope and love. And other things as well. I just want to thank them all and I just want to release all my tensions bothering me. Thanks.

Stop that nonsense. hehehehehehe

The important is, we are all still here.

So, go and do what will makes you happy.

I am just plain crazy today.

Thanks to blogging, I can write what's inside of me... Hay, it just feels great.

Now ungas ka, magtrabaho na ha!!!! hehehe

Like I always say, cut the crap....

Magbasa nga lang yun post ni Raims. hehe

Eto ata nangyayari sa Mid life crisis. Ang bata naman ata. hehe

See ya at the next rant. hehe

four

Yes, yesterday was my fourth month at my new endeavor. Time really flies fast. Hehe What can I say? Ok naman, nandito pa din ako. hehe Marami naman ako natutunan, especially with the business that we have. I just need to stay put and have it on my own in the future. As soon as possible. hehe

Ano pa ba? Di ko na alam. Four months of let's say normal hard work. I did say normal, because I don't need to wake up at night and call EMP to drop me at Dell (which well, unfortunately getting disoriented). Pag medyo sinipag ako ng gising at wala naman masyado cases eh pumapasok na ko, two rides of jeep. Hehehe However, I don't do that anymore. I can just walk for a few blocks and I'm here, at our shop. I want to say "my" kaso di pa eh. Hehehe

Oh, finally!!! I am now reading the Art of War by Sun Tzu. Years in the making. hehe Since there is petiks time, it is a good time to read something inspirational or motivational. They thought it's about war or strategy, it is indeed, I am telling you, the book of life. I think, it is the second best book I read in my life, well next to the bible.

Anyway, I still keep my fingers crossed that in the next 4 months, well, it is fast for the time, that something will change.. For good. At least.

I don't know what it is, but deep inside of me, I believe something better happens.

Nobody knows his future unless you do the right things. Right decisions, right options, right?

I don't think so.

Let's see that in the coming months..

vandalism

Of course, di naman ako ganun. hehe maybe at my blog spot page. While I am typing this, in front of me is a netbook which I only saw earlier, at SM North. By the way, a netbook is a small laptop, which the only purpose is for me, is for internet browsing. It comes for a hefty price, but for the internet addicts like me, it is useful. However, this is not for me. hahaha

It's for Kuya Alpro and family. I am just helping them out setting their netbook. It's time for them to have one, they should have, as a fruit of their labors. Hehe

What happened to me? Hmmmm as usual, family matters, which never ends. My 2 tito's got sick with the same stroke. I wish I could help, but for now, I need to help myself. I can just pray for them. hehe Oh, my tarmogoyf and dark confidants are gone, I need cash!!! Waah.. but one day, balik sa deck ko yan. hehe

Well, about sa shop, medyo ok naman this past week. Medyo may stable naman kaso di naman ako nakapahinga. Bad trip. hehe Pero ok lang, at may nakilala naman ako bago thanks to Rheg. Ayos to. hehe

Update? ayun nasa FB ko na siya. And yes, about ex, ayun text text, medyo ok naman kahit cold siya sa siya sa kin. Acceptable naman yun. Important may contact especially now, she's in a tight and difficult situation. Gotta help her but well, ika nga ni Bro dun sa may bukas pa, tama na yun naitulong at dapat pabayaan mo na siya bumangon magisa. Nastuck ako sa line na yun. Tama naman si Bro. Pero, naaawa lang kasi ako sa kanya. Parang di tama yun ginawa nila. Hay, peste. hehe

Moving on, of course, I did not watch Harry Potter 6, because wala naman nagyaya sa kin, pero wala na ko plano panoorin yun. Besides, I did not read the book.

Oh well, let's just wait for G.I. Joe!!! Ayos, olats. hehe Dumadami na pala ang friends ko sa FB, the girls este friends are almost complete!! hehe

What else? Maybe I just need more rest this week, kaso not tomorrow kasi pag Monday, medyo malakas yun shop. Pero definitely, dapat 2 days ako rest, not the whole day, at least nasa bahay ako, surfing, downloading stuff, you know. Now you know!! hehe Sarap ng DSL. I was able to dowload a lot of stuff in a short time, well, some ehem stuff. hehe

Then, what else? no more late nights, except now because I am scanning my PC and chatting with long lost friends. hehe Pero, yes, blogging will be back soon. I gonna love this setup.

Well, I hope I can afford a wireless setup but for now, not yet, maybe we'll be going to old school. hehe

I am feeling mixed emotions right now, not emo but just plain tired and confused yet happy. I don't know why, but oh well, that's life.

Many roads to walk through, many crap to take and yet, many people to meet with and change your life.

Panget siguro ako magvandal. hehe Panget nga ko magsulat, mag grafitti pa kaya? Or how about drafting? Naku, I can't draw a straight line with a simple ruler. Di naman ako pasmado. hehe

I will just draw a simple smiling face

for now..

realizations (part 4)

47. Ah, well, I am still here after all the mess. hehe

48. Siguro, ang kantang magdedescribe sa mga special friends ko, eh Girls, Girls, Girls ni Jay Z. hehe

49. I just thought, the most lovely song I heard is "Come Away with Me" by Norah Jones. Swak eh. hehe

50. I never thought I will reach 50 realizations and wait there's more!!

51. At the age of 26, I just thought, I haven't achieve anything, I mean, a thing, to be something proud of.

52. However, I already felt the best feeling in life. Love. Priceless.

53. My country, has a chance to be a strong one, better than the G-8 countries.

54. Kaso, eh nagpapatakbo ng bansa ang problema. Di na matatapos yun, kahit automated na ang election. hehe

55. Pero, may hope, let's just say, what V wants, is chaos. Just watch V for Vendetta. hehe We need to do that here.

56. I love small things or compatible things, even I'm a big guy, I don't know why. Example? Cellphone. hehe pero not laptops, kasi comfortable na ko sa desktop. But if I have more business, malamang laptop na. hehe I hope..

57. I experienced all kinds of pain in life. Losing somebody, or going broke, tired, beaten up, despair, helpless.. not all kinds of pain, but almost na. What a miserable life..

58. But, thanks to him above, I am still here. There is hope.. All of these will end one day. I just don't know how. hehe

59. I am addicted to blogging. My mirror I guess. hehe Partida, busy pa ko niyan. hahaha

60. Ah, I love my collection of music, keeps the stress away from me. Kinda therapeutic for me. Kaso, wala naman makiride sa music fave ko eh. hehe Mayroon pero kaunti lang. Sobrang few. hehehe

61. Ang gummybear ay si.... Di ako!!! Bwahahahaha Secret. Walang clue, baka pagbigay ko, eh mahulaan agad. hehe

62. Why gummybear? Ask Rheg. hehe

63. Life is indeed a journey... A very long tiring, fulfilling journey. Ironic isn't it?

intellectual talk

Aba, kahit yun Ate ko nagbasa ng blog, kaso mukhang yun umpisa lang ata nabasa niya. hehehe Anyway, after a tiring Friday Night, I went to Trinoma to meet William and Raims for a pre birthday celebration of the two persons mentioned. Naks ang aga. hehe

Well, I found them at trinoma and talking about what to give for a "friend". William's dilemma. hehehe After 3 hours of talking about it, he decided to just ask the girl what she wants. Kaysa naman, magbigay siya na something sentimental! hehe Gulo lang papasukin niya. Anyway, after some talking, even without ordering at recipes and Coffee bean eh we end up at Mcdo. (Hoy, umorder naman kami in the end. hehe)

We talked about some important things, well relationships, love and life as well. Buti nga daw wala si Ivan. Baka it will end up debating about comics. hehe Peace Ivan!

About their situations naman, ano naman masasabi ko. Talagang magka zodiac sila, Cancer. hehe I was surprised naman on how they view on love, lalo na si William, naku naman, nandiyan na, ayaw pa. hehe Sabagay, di mo naman masisi, kung di mo nga trip, edi wag pansinin. hehe Sabi ko naman sa kanila, try to socialize or meet other interesting people and don't stop. Di ko nga napoint out eh, what I did is risky, but it's still rewarding because I ended up friends with them, not all of them, but most of them, really came close to me. Actually, helped me in this ironic life, but in the end, I did have a relationship in the most unexpected way. In their situation naman, nandiyan na, medyo nailang ata. hehe

At least, di ba, sila lumilapit sa kanila. Unlike me, I need to really meet them. And kinda aggressive. Hehe But well, I don't see any regrets, besides, I still know them until now. Close as well.

I thank them, for being part of my life.

So, we went from Recipes, Coffee bean and Mcdo. I hate Mcdo due to super size me docu. hehe I still order at Mcdo, but very very rare. Sa Mcdo na yun naging masaya ang usapan. Serious yet fun, at 4am we ended up, I don't know. I am happy because they liked what I done even I ended up, failure. Hehe Fun because they realized that it's not the end yet, like my accounting professor says, collect and collect then select. hehe I just hope that they will find the right partners, not only for the present...

But forever.

Time to realize again!!!!

July

Yes, it's already the second of July. I was so busy, tired, stressed out. Whatever. hehe Pero ano pa ba magagawa ko, this is the life I choose. I just hope, there will be a good ending.

Marami nangyari this week, nawalan ako. Hehe Peste talaga, malas ata ako. By the way, kinda addicted to the song of I'm a Flirt. hehe Ewan ko, pero mukha nga, wanted kasi ako sa BF ng mga friends ko girls. hehe Pero the best song for me, I mean why they think I am lucky sa girls, edi kay Jay Z na. Girls, girls, girls. hehehe

I am now scanning my computer which I forgot to do it last week. I am also removing NBA live 08 sa computer ko. Di ko na din nalalaro, besides, sila Kobe naman nagchampion. Babawi si Lebron next season, lalo na may Shaq na. hahaha

Happy birthday pala kay William, pare, future investor ka talaga. hehe Thanks for the help and more birthdays to come and don't worry, in the future, tuloy na plano natin. hehe And to my Brother, Iggie!!! Happy birthday in advance, mabuti naman di ka magpapadraft beer. hehe The days of booze are over for us. Pero what I wish for is to have a good career, and good future din. All the best for you bro!!! Chef ka pa din namin. hehe

Ah, what else to say. Well, today's news are kinda weird and bunch of crap. Elections will be and it will be manual crap again!!! Anak ng tokwa, wala na ba magagawa matino ang mga pulitiko natin. You can blame comelec for that stupidity, but oh well, this how our system works. Very very lame one. Or how about the Con-Ass plan by the lower house? Mukhang talagang sinusulong nila to, at lalo na si GMA, tatakbo pang congressman kasi pagnanalo siyang congressman, pwede siya mag PM under the parliamentary system.

Hayop talaga, kaya pala yun administration, eh mukhang walang presidential bet kasi kampante ang mga ungas na magiging parliament tayo. Di ako papayag dun.

We can change our government system if the system itself reach it's potential and then, making our lives miserable. Kaso hindi yun ang reason why this country is miserable. The people running the government are the primary reason. I don't want to like elaborate on that, it will take whole night for that. hehe

I am just glad that we have senators to stop Con-Ass, actually I am glad that at least, may silbi sila. hahahahahahahaha

Para dun lang sila may silbi.

Stop Con-Ass. For the people. Please.

Well, that doesn't stop that. Issues ruining our country.

AH1N1 virus, quickly spreading here, and sad to say, won't stop quickly. No one is to blame but good thing that DOH has actions. At least. Eh mabuti na kaysa sa wala.

Pero mabuti at di pa ito lalala, basta kailangan lang maging malusog tayong lahat, at iwas muna umalis ng abroad. Airlines are kinda unlucky, even low rates won't attract passengers because of the scare. Wine flu este swine flu pala. hehe

At eto ang issue ang pinaka, I mean irritated. The Hayden scandal issue. Hay, the reason why that scandal was so popular? It involves not only hot chicks, it involves, ehem, stars as well, which they vowed not to go bold. Because they already did. hehehehe

Honestly, I haven't watch that scandal yet. I don't care. The scandal that really, well good, siyempre, la salle scandal. hehehehe Why that one was well di nag senate hearing, or dumating sa DOJ or NBI kasi di sikat eh, walang artista pero panalo. Just ask Al or Leo. hahahaha

What else? Ayun, gusto ko pa magrant about our country, pero tigil muna. Pahinga muna. I watched this ako mismo commercial, at yun isang dude who said, "di ako magblog laban sa country ko". Sorry dude, someone already did. hehehe

About myself, well someone is looking for a new mags, but when I told her how much, I think she will change her mind. hehe I also kinda sent something to a special person. hehehe

House? Oh, getting worse. hehe Shop? Hmmm good, but one thing is bad, well, I'll just keep it. hehe Pero it is a good week, I think I can get another day off. It's gaining momentum every week, sana maging consistent na to. hehe

What else? Ah nothing else I think, I am just waiting to have the scanning done. Para makatulog naman ako. Ah eto pala, because of the scandal, nakakatawa yun mga headlines, lalo na yun isang star na natawagan hinete. hehe Jockey ng kabayo. At mukhang buenas pa siya ha, guest sa May Bukas Pa tapos may sariling show every sunday, hmmmm di kaya dapat ang title eh "Ang babaeng hinete". hehe Anak ng tokwa, mapanood na nga. Nasimulan ko sa Suki kaso di ko natapos, dami kasi customer saka mahirap na pagnahuli. hehe Sumikat ata yun Kanlaon dahil dun. Buti di siya nag LSQC, kaso nag UST naman. Ayos. hahahaha

That's all for tonight. I miss these days.

Moments and well, typing moments with sounds.

I'm a flirt.

late...

You may ask what happened to me. Well, many things happened. From suki market, I went to welcome supermart and I believe I'll stay for a very long time until I get this place. Hehe Oh after the 2cpm reunion which was a very fun filled night. I planned my 26th birthday celebratoin ahead of time, even the funds are not there yet. Hehe However, it went through good, you can see it at the pics. Even I invited almost all the people who touched my life for the past, well 10 years. They did not come due to some commitments or whatever. But that's fine, at least they greeted me and made me old. Hehe Thanks to all who helped me at that special day, especially to Joanne and Reggie.. To Doc and Chef Igz. Those who came to my birthday, thanks a lot! I really really appreciate it. Especially those who gave some very heart touching gifts. Hehe Will I do it again next year? Hmmmm I don't think so. Hehe Very tiring and exhausting but worth it. It's just if only few people will come to the part. I won't prepare that much. Hehe Lesson learned. But it's priceless. Event of a lifetime I guess. hehe

Ok. I know I kinda took some shortcut a bit because I'm kinda laste for posting here and especially to my personal blog.. As you see, I gave up my cable internet connection and went to bayan DSL.. At first it was good but at the middle of the week, it went nuts. But when Kuya Allan kinda fixed it, now I'm back.. Sorry for the long delay, especially to the race to 2012 team. I'm so very sorry. Hehe

Let's go back after the celebration.. Of course, I did not go to the PCD concert.. However, Kaskade, my fave chillout DJ had a concert on June 12! At first, I was thinking of going there and dig. Or have a date with a friend or special friend. Hehe But well, it did not go through due to number 1, I don't want to go there in glasses, number 2, funds run out. Hehe 3, I tried to invite them but oh well no reply and lastly, someone sent a birthday message, a belated birthday message.

Who's that girl? You guess it right.. Ex. hehe As usual, she thought that my birthday is June 12, which of course, wrong. Hehe We texted and texted, and discussed new things. Her life now, hmmm what happened to her. Some past questions. Haha But there is one thing for sure, one truth that left me stunned. All the things I want to say to her were unreached. So good thing I did not go there or else, I won't be here alive.. Hahaha

Like I said to my other friend, I'm happy because I was able to talk to her. I'm sad as well because of what happened to her, until now. There will be no comeback. Please, don't expect something to happen again. hehe Let's move on. Why? Not a good time. Besides, I have no intention to do it because we are now in different paths. It will complicate things again.. Unless, there will be a miracle.. Hehe I'll just find others first..

Well, you may ask what we talked about. I'll try to post some other time. To be continued. Hehe

My schedule got changed, it's good because I don't need to wake up at 6:30am. Hehe However, I can't rest after shop hours because well at night, I am always bothered by Algerro and my uncle who got stroke. Waaaah! After a long day of hard work, you come home for more work.. Good job! Hehe I think I'll be crazy in these coming days. On top of that, there are so many people at that house.. One day, like I dream for, I'll be in a house with my family. I mean, well Algerro is but other than that. No way. hehe My family, like me, my wife and 2 kids will be fine. hehe Anyway, that's my life now.

About my shop, it's not that stron yet but I still believe it's potential. It's gaining some market share. Hehe Don Dennis gave me some great tips in business. My short term goal now is to own the shop and make it stable. I hope I can reach that goal at least 1 year. Hehe

For now I haven't done a routine for me because of the troubles. Hehe But I know, someday I will have a routine so I can post every single day! Exercise as well. hehe

Damn, I have no date for Transformers 2! Yet. hehe I hope I'll have one on or before Saturday. Hehe

This is the first time that this post will also appear at my personal blog. For short, I'm kinda lazy. Haha I'm very very late.

I guess I missed blogging that much.

I want to thank William for the help he gave to Kuya Alpro. Hehe I want to thank Ivan and Iyen for the photos. I want to thank all the people I met in this life. Too many to mention. hehe To my family, brothers, friends, special friends. hahaha I want to thank God..

For giving me 26 years of life. A life of full of ups and downs. Happiness and sadness. Love. Hatred. Hope. Faith..

Even it has been very hard for me, I am still grateful to have this weird life. I just hope that one day, everything will be normal. If that happens, I'll be having a party.. hehe I wish a better life for all of us.

A quiet, simple and rich life.

Sorry for a long one.

That's all for today.

Questions?