atmosphere

Walk in silence,
Don't walk away, in silence.
See the danger,
Always danger,
Endless talking,
Life rebuilding,
Don't walk away.

Walk in silence,
Don't turn away, in silence.
Your confusion,
My illusion,
Worn like a mask
of self-hate,
Confronts and then dies.
Don't walk away.

People like you find it easy,
Naked to see,
Walking on air.
Hunting by the rivers,
Through the streets,
Every corner
abandoned too soon,
Set down with due care.
Don't walk away in silence,
Don't walk away.

oh, well.. this is my favorite song from Joy Division.. it is called atmosphere.. any other words I can say.. as you look at the beginning of my blog, no words posted there because no words can describe this song when I hear it.. the mood of it and everything.. it's like the final frontier.. like the 24 hour party people film and control, this song is attached to Ian Curtis' final moment.. like a funeral song.. if I will die this day or any moment.. I want my final song as same as this.. Atmosphere.. no joking.. when I am hearing this song.. I am in, literally in peace.. like I am walking in a long long quiet road.. which leads to nowhere I guess.. hehe but that's all I can say.. don't walk away.. in silence..

love will tear us apart

When routine bites hard
And ambitions are low
And resentment rides high
But emotions won't grow
And we're changing our ways, taking different roads
Then love, love will tears us apart again
Love, love will tears us apart again
Why is the bedroom so cold
You've turned away on your side
Is my timing that flawed?
Our respect run so dry
Yet there's still this appeal that we've kept through our lives
But love, love will tears us apart again
Love, love will tear us apart again
You cry out in your sleep
All my failings exposed
And there's a taste in my mouth
As desperation takes hold
Just that something so good just can't function no more
But love, love will tear us apart again
Love, love will tear us apart again (3)

well, this is the song for today.. I forgot again to load the songs of Joy Division in my profile, but I will surely do that in my days off.. good thing yesterday, no more raining hard.. so I was able to go home good and safe.. and not tired as well.. hehe I went home and done some things.. and ended up sleeping.. I set the alarm at 3:30pm.. by the way, this is the second best song from Joy Division.. why this song? the main reason is the topic itself.. love sometimes will tear us apart.. again.. I can tell that I faced hardships before I got into a relationship.. a really serious one.. my first relationship became a serious one even it has complicated factors.. but anyway, I won't discuss what happened.. hehe

anyway, that's correct, before I got into a relationship, I experienced hardships of knowing the right girl.. my friends are witnesses to that.. even those situations are kinda sad, I really laugh at it and telling myself that I really done that but it did not work.. most specifically in college.. hehe sometimes, the true love, honesty, faithfulness, and understanding are not enough to make a relationship work.. maybe we were too hasty or risky.. but I believe, it is better to split.. and that's what I felt cold.. like the song states.. when I first heard this in high school, like I said, I was loveless that time.. I felt so empty and Ian Curtis is right.. just can't function no more.. the whole song is itself if you will hear it, is kind of dark.. and gloomy.. yet fast paced.. anyway.. that's I can say about this song.. I wish when I fall in love again, it won't end this way..

I watched the UAAP matches yesterday.. of course, UP lost by a big margin by FEU.. around 20 points.. but I am not that impressed with FEU.. let's see, if they can win this time to UST!! hehe but for the main event.. it was like a finals game.. DLSU vs. UST.. DLSU had some luck in the end, but I can see UST is a more dominating game, with a hobbled Jervy Cruz.. so, they are a stronger team.. but that can be said if they face ADMU.. let's see if there big and athletic line up can match up the ADMU's complete line up.. go tiger, go USTE!! tomorrow, I will watch the Dark Knight for free.. hahaha

novelty

3rd day came in, and almost late again!!! hahaha but good thing is, I did not need a cab to come to work..I was not late.. hehe yesterday was a scary day.. after the shift, it was a stormy morning and I was able to go home.. soaked and wet.. I took a bath right away and ate lunch.. after that, I watched some same TV shows, but only for 30 mins and slept right away, I woke up at 9pm.. good job.. hehe nothing changed.. same ol' day.. yet I am anticipating the Dark Knight showing in Dell this coming Friday.. hehe and for today, UST vs. DLSU the main game.. I hope I can watch that in my room later.. I believe, UST will win!! hehe good job.. UST will also have a match on Sunday against Adamson.. walk in the park? hehe

I hope UST will win today.. by the my 3rd fave song from Joy Division, Novelty. here's the lyrics..

When people listen to you don't you know it means a lot?
'Cause you gotta work so hard for everything you've got.
Can't rest on your laurels now;
Not when you've got none.
You'll find yourself in the gutter
Right back where you came from.

Someone told me being in the know is the main thing;
We all need the security that belonging brings.
Can't stand on your own in these times
Against all the odds-
You'll just fall behind like all the other sods.

You slap our backs and pretend you knew about,
All the things that we were gonna do.
What you gonna do,
What you gonna do,
When it's over?

You're on your own now don't you think that its a shame?
But youre the only one responsible to take the blame?
So what ya gonna do when the novelty is gone?
Yeah what ya gonna do when the novelty is gone?

You slap our backs and pretend you knew about
All the things that we were gonna do.
What ya gonna do,
What ya gonna do,
When it's over?

the song, it's about pride, but when I hear it, it's like a desperate song.. but when I hear this song, the drum beat is very good, bass, it's given, fantastic, lead guitars? forget it.. hehe but the vocals of Ian Curtis.. leads me to a dark path.. just gloominess I believe.. but the end part is really upbeat, so I was surprised when I first heard it.. hehe but why this song better than the first 2? because this song is somewhat in the middle of things, a bit sad and a bit happy.. but the whole song itself, it has energy, for me.. I don't know with other music lovers.. hehe energy meaning the mixture with the upbeat drums, great bass, deep vocals and forgettable lead guitar.. this is a good song for me from my fave band.. anyway, that's all I can write for today.. I will just rest and let's see if I can post these songs in my profile later when I got home.. oh well.. what a crap.. hehe

she lost control

well, it was a hectic different day, yesterday.. oh well, nothing's changed except for some errands I have done, and I will continue it later after my shift.. I'm lucky that I was not late before my shift!! yes!! hehe anyway, yesterday, I can say was a good one.. not because of what happened, like sleep, eat, watch some crap shows, but Mom took a medical check up and some tests.. so good thing she is following her health advice, a routinary check up.. other than that.. hmmmm nothing else I can say.. I slept twice because when I got home, I done something important after my shift and after that, I got tired and accidentally slept.. I woke up around 1:30pm and like I said, I watched some crappy shows.. hehe but one show that I got my attention to, which is the film Full Metal Jacket.. it was shown in C/S channel 9 and I was surprised they shown it at the middle of the afternoon.. of course, it's censored.. hehe but since I am a Stanley Kubrick fan so I told myself, this is great.. hehe at least, I can watch another great film.. the film is great, except the ending, because I want more action in that film and the narration itself, but it is short.. so you can't do anything about it.. hehe after that, I took a long bath and slept again.. I woke up, at around, good job, 9pm!! so I took a cab and got here at the right time!! whoa.. hehe good news, we will be watching the Dark Knight for free.. Dell is really great.. hehe that includes foods and drinks.. hehe since I'm kinda short of budget, and stressed, this event is a good timing for me.. haha

writing in this notepad gives me, simplicity I guess.. but I will try next time to write my blog directly to my multiply screen, the only problem is due to the idle state, if I post this, it goes blank.. so I will try it next time.. but not now.. ok, let's go to the topic for today, one of my fave songs from JD.. 4th one I believe... yesterday was the fifth one.. this is She Lost Control.. when I watched the film 24 hour party people, there was a scene that they recorded this song under Martin Harnett and I was laughing hard because of how recorded the song.. it's like, when Barney, he's really out of tune.. Ian Curtis just sitting down and stare blank and drinking some booze.. Hookie was uncontrollable and he was so good, Martin got mad at him.. the unfortunate, Stephen the drummer, which he ends drumming all night, at the rooftop.. hehe the end result? great song, not because of the lyrics, but the song itself, remember, this is Circa 1978-79 and it sounds modern and Ian Curtis performed at it's best.. anyway, I hope I can get a good sleep this day.. nothing else matters.. good day lad! here's the lyrics..

Confusion in her eyes that says it all.
She's lost control.
And she's clinging to the nearest passer by,
She's lost control.
And she gave away the secrets of her past,
And said I've lost control again,
And a voice that told her when and where to act,
She said I've lost control again.

And she turned around and took me by the hand and said,
I've lost control again.
And how I'll never know just why or understand,
She said I've lost control again.
And she screamed out kicking on her side and said,
I've lost control again.
And seized up on the floor, I thought she'd die.
She said I've lost control.
She's lost control again.
She's lost control.
She's lost control again.
She's lost control.

Well I had to 'phone her friend to state my case,
And say she's lost control again.
And she showed up all the errors and mistakes,
And said I've lost control again.
But she expressed herself in many different ways,
Until she lost control again.
And walked upon the edge of no escape,
And laughed I've lost control.
She's lost control again.
She's lost control.
She's lost control again.
She's lost control.

did she really lost control?

shadowplay

ano nga ba.. hmm mabilis ang mga pangyayari nitong nakaraan linggo.. grabe.. hehe siyempre, kaya ngayon lang ako nakapaglog eh sa dami ng ginawa nung sabado at nung linggo naman, tinamad ako.. hehe tinamad ako dahil kailangan ko magpahinga at mag muni muni.. simulan natin noong Sabado.. siyempre, pumunta kami ng team sa enchanted kingdom.. first time ako nakapunta dun kaso di ko naeenjoy.. kasi wala kaming tulog at napakainit.. at ang sad part, di na pala ganun kaganda dun.. dapat magrenovate sila or magparami ng rides.. hehe sorry wala akong pictures ng team building kasi sobrang ngarag na ata ako at well, masaya naman kahit papano kasi kasama ko team ko.. yun naman importante kaysa sa enchanted kingdom.. hehe di ako sumakay ng ride, kahit un carousel kasi un nga.. inaantok ako.. so nagkuwentuhan na lang kami ng team mate ko at un driver, lalo na tungkol sa kotse.. hehe napaisip tuloy ako, mukhang masarap pumunta talaga ng europe.. eurotrip na to!! kaso kung may moolah.. hehe kung wala, hanggang net na lang siguro.. hehe ano pa ba.. bale masaya un pagbiyahe namin kasi makukulit ang mga team mates mo.. kahit pilit kong matulog, di ako nakatulog kasi makukulit talaga sila, hanggang enchanted.. grabe.. laughtrip talaga.. un mga team mates ko na ride all you can ticket, di naman sinakyan lahat, dahil nahilo eh.. hehe saka napagod na din..malamang sa sobrang init.. kakabuwisit na init.. tapos ng enchanted, un jollibee sa SLEX tapos un kulitan na naman.. nakaidlip naman ako pabalik ng libis pero masaya naman.. ok na din un team building namin.. wag na lang sa EK susunod.. hehe

nakabalik na ko sa Libis at medyo nagshopping.. pero ng magic.. hehe may nakuha naman ako kahit papano.. mga 9pm na ko nakauwi.. mantakin mo.. 24 hours ako gising from Friday, to Saturday.. magaling magaling magaling na bata.. hehe linggo na tayo.. gumising ako ng maaga, pero natulog ulit, nagayos ng kaunting gamit.. tapos pumunta na ko sa simbahan.. maganda nga un misa eh.. medyo inaantok nga lang ako.. pero ok lang.. tapos nun, kumain sa Jonas.. pero grabe ang tinaas ng kanilang mami and pares ha.. 100 na halos un price.. ano pa ba magagawa ko? lahat naman nagtataasan pero ang sweldo.. never.. hehe depende kung maging super agent ako.. ano pa pala.. un, tapos, naglinis ako ng computer tapos nagbalik na ang internet ko.. dapat maglolog nga ko kaso, dami ko pa ginawa sa computer ko.. like updating un virus scan saka spyware.. tapos siyempre, naghabol ako sa macross frontier.. gumaganda na un story, kaso giyera na agad.. hehe tapos nun, nanood ako ng ADMU and UE.. sabi ko na nga ba.. di na masyado malakas ang UE, dahil walang post presence.. eh un, si Rabah lang ang katapat nila.. haha kawawa naman.. pero sana, manalo ang UST sa DLSU ngayong huwebes.. magandang laban to!!! hehehe nakita ko na pala un buong listahan ng eventide kahit di ako pumunta sa pre release.. maraming pala talagang malakas na card.. pero kaunti lang kukunin ko.. hehe pero pwede un expansion na yun.. panalo.. bahala na si Mang Ed dun.. hehe

of course, Monday come in.. which was yesterday.. oh well, I woke and it's kind of gloomy because of the LPA coming in the Philippines.. but important things were, I was able to clean my room.. fix some papers.. and other errands.. I visited Dad and Algerro.. and got the usual sermon.. same sermon every time I visit there.. oh well.. that's my Dad.. nothing's changed to Algerro and Dad.. they are seems to be fine and well.. other than that.. nothing happened so great.. hehe anyhow, life is so simple.. Daddy is always talking about the same thing about plans, life, mistakes and whatever topic that we are involved to.. but I already know that.. it's just I can't apply it because I am in a middle of a mess.. in my family.. and I think, that's it.. hehe I won't discuss that further.. oh sorry, for the repetition of the title, in a rush because at that time, system got problems so it got complicated.. but well, as of the moment, it is now working..

by the way, the week starts with one of my fave Joy Division songs.. oh, this week is Joy Division song's week.. everyday, the title of my blogs are coming from my favorite band.. why Joy Division? you may ask, who are they.. you can search it by using Google.. hehe or a bit history of them.. they are 4 lads from macclesfield, UK.. (I hope I got the spelling right) they are Stephen Morris (the sick and best drummer for me), Peter Hook(the bass God.. hehe), Bernard Sumner (best songwriter and well, good vocals for new order) and of course, legendary Ian Curtis (sorry kurt, he's better)hehe so they formed Joy Division.. as the band's name came from.. as history books or from 24 hour party people film or control the film, it's a Nazi Death camp which they imprisoned women for the pleasure of the Nazi officer.. correct me if I'm wrong.. I don't want to search that further because I don't care.. but the name suits fine in the band's mood and hype.. so let's go further.. or if you want proof.. this is an excerpt from neworderonline.com. "They chose Joy Division, the name coming from a lurid novel of sado-masochism in German concentration camps entitled The House of Dolls. The book also contributed a (somewhat censored) verse for the song "No Love Lost". The "joy divisions" were those which housed prostitutes and women kept alive for the pleasure of the officers of the camps. The irony, if not the political implication, was obvious." there is it lad.. hehe

let's go back.. hehe so how did I discover them? since I am an 80's kid, like use to listen the new wave bands but as I grow older, I use to listen to the good sounds of 80's, great bands.. some US bands but just a handful of them I listen to frequently.. I discovered Joy Division in the middle of 4th year high school and I am so addicted to their song, "Love will tear us apart".. why I am listening to that song? maybe, I am so loveless at that time.. hehe that was high school days and loser I guess.. that's was the cassette era.. hehe so when I searched, I bought their the best of CD.. and I found out that they are freaking great.. from the ecstatic drums, gloomy vocals, basic lead guitar and a godlike lead bass rhythm.. damn.. so at that day onwards, I really searched this band further and well, now, they are at the top of my list.. when I'm in epldt, wayback in 2005, I got lucky that I met Mondo, former DJ in nu107.. we have the same genre of soundtrip.. hehe from echo and the bunneymen, british bands old and new and of course, new order.. and if you're a fan of new order, you will be a fan of Joy Division.. hehe so we talked about it and his DJ days in Nu.. at the end, I was able to get a copy of heart and soul CD, the best of Joy Division which consists of 4 CD's of greatness.. I love that collection.. I am lucky because you can't find it here in Manila.. I was able to find it in ATC but unfortunately, it was gone before I got the copy from Mondo.. so even Epldt ventus sucks up to this time.. at least, trainer Mondo made my stay there memorable.. hehe I hope, he is still a trainer but in a different company.. get out of there Mondo!! I bought other CD's of Joy Division from music one.. why I listen to them? because the darkness of their songs, whether fast or slow, really remove my sadness, despair and stress.. it helped me a lot.. especially college years and until now.. it really removes my worries in a different aspect.. of course, I include reading the Bible, but if I am really like depressed or lost.. I just listen to Joy Division.. no doubt.. hehe so that's it.. thanks to the films, 24 hour party people, control.. and the book, touching from a distance..

To the centre of the city where all roads meet, waiting for you,
To the depths of the ocean where all hopes sank, searching for you,
I was moving through the silence without motion, waiting for you,
In a room without window in the corner I found truth.

In the shadowplay, acting out your own death, knowing no more,
As the assassins all grouped in four lines, dancing on the floor,
And with cold streel, odour on their bodies mad a move to connect,
But I could only stare in disbelief as the crowds all left.

I did everything, everything I wanted to,
I let them use you for their own ends,
To the centre of the city in the night, waiting for you.
To the centre of the city in the night, waiting for you.

I will load this song in my profile this week.. hehe maybe what can I compare this song to I don't know where in my life.. hehe but I like both versions from Joy Division and the Killers.. if you want the original, go with JD, but if modern, go with the Killers.. we have a new schedule, 10pm to 7am.. I still like the Sunday and Monday off.. hehe anyhow, we have new team mates so I hope they will contribute to our team.. more JD for this week.. and I really like my new seating arrangement.. everyday Dei is a good day.. hehe I don't know why she left.. I hope she's fine.. what else.. I hope for the best for this coming week and lot of hope, love, faith, hate, despair or whatever.. hehe I feel like lazy right now.. good day ahead.. by the way, it's is a great feeling to be regular!!!