Purple Rein

Like I said, I saved the best or worse for last. hehe When we were together before, she like the color purple. I can see that the way she wear clothes, even shoes. Her smile, captivating and her looks could be deceiving but in the end, I really fell in love with her. Naks. Totoo ba to? Senti ka ata Alfred, lagi naman hehe Actually, there many words to describe "Pudit", my ex. Nonetheless, even it ended up that bad, I mean we did not end what we want due to some factors we can't seem to solve, I will never forget her. Like I said in my previous posts, I am still seeing her image in my room or even in the living room or even at the kitchen which I still remember she used to cook for us. hahaha

Hay, kaya eto tuwing nalulungkot ako or naguguluhan sa buhay, I always thought of those events in our relationship, whether it was good or bad. Maraming mga pangyayari na naisip ko, pano kaya kung ginawa ko ganito, or dapat ba ganun ginawa ko. Parang may pagsisi ba sa mga desisyon ko, pano ba naman 1st GF, naku ayaw niya tawagin GF lang I remember. hehe Pero it's a 1st what I call my better half. Naks. But that's true, if we are able to go through these problems before, sigurado, siya na lang ang babae sa buhay ko. Patay na! haha Ang tanga ko talaga, kala ko pa naman, kung gagawin ko lahat ng gusto niya or namin, kakayanin namin pero hindi pala.  

Tama na nga ang bitterness, let's talk about her na lang in per se and those happy moments. hehe I mean tapos na kami and there's no sign as of now that will be together again. Umaasa pa ba ko? Hmmmm In how things work right now, nope. But I am not losing hope, but I am also not expecting na rin because until now, di pa kami naguusap. The last time we talked, was like March of this year, after that, wala na. Nada. Pero on the way I checked her profile, it seems she is happy right now. 

If you read my previous post, if you really did, I always say that I hope she is ok, or fine. Or lagi ko siyang hinahanap, kaya ayun nakatanga minsan. hehe Talagang miss ko siya and I lied before. hehe I do love her. But however, that can be changed in some time or gaya ng sinabi ko, if I find somebody can show a different kind of love to me, then that's it. It will be a new relationship anew. Siyempre, di naman ako pwede maghanap ng katulad ng ex ko coz she is the only Rein in my lifetime. She also shown me what love really is, true love. Romantic love. Kahit anong sweetness gawin ko, parang mas sweet pa siya sa kin. hehe 

I still looking forward to meet her sometime, even for just one last time. hehe When I do that, that's the time I can have a smile in my face at least for sometime. 

"Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear. "

Correct. hehe That's exactly what happened to us. 

Well, I want to tell more about her but I think it's best that to close this for now, and let's see if we are going to cross our paths and rekindle what we have started, Love. I can describe that our Love reaches beyond the boundaries that we did not even imagine, and if I have a chance, I want to happen that one more time. Kung gusto pa niya, lagi ko siyang bibilhan ng KFC brownies. hehe Siguro nagugutom lang ako, kulang sa tulog or kailangan ko na ng professional help. hahaha Salamat ng marami, at alam ko nasabi ko na din ang gusto kong sabihin but sana ok ka and successful in the future. 

By the way, I first called her Rein. Why? Because before, I promised to myself that if I am going to have a special one, I will call her differently than the usual nickname. So that's the name I called her first then it became Pudit. hehe 

I love Rein..   

Quotes to ponder

Siyempre hindi ito galing kay Bob Ong. hehe Nakita ko to sa kahon ko and it was a letter I received from a retreat wayback in College. Villa should have a copy of this, or any of my friends in 4BA1. haha I was able to keep the letters of my friends and especially from my retreats in school. Kapag ako'y malungkot or nababagot like this week, I am used to read these past letters. hehe Let's start..

"Take some time to think about these...

Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands, and then eat just of the one of the pieces.

I have done more harm by the falseness of trying to please than by the honesty of trying to hurt.

If yo have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call "failure" is not falling down but staying down.

We all live in susupense, from day to day, from hour to hour, in other words, we are the hero of our own story. 

Inside myself is a place where I live all alone, and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up.

I don't need a man to rectify my existence. The most profound relationship we'll ever have is the one with ourselves. 

I always felt that the great high privilege, relief and comfort of friendship was that one had to explain nothing.

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live; it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.

It's so easy to think about love, to talk about love. But it's not always easy to recognize love.. even when we already hold it in our hands.

Lover starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear. 

It is hard to walk away if you will be losing someone who has been a part of your life. But it will be much harder to stay, if loving him would mean losing yourself. 

Heartbreaks last as long as you want and cut deep as you  allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them. 

A sad thing about life is that when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never bound to be and we just have to let go. 

Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we know how to be grateful for the gift. 

In the maze of love, try not to loose yourself so that when love is no longer willing to stay, you still have with you the greatest possession and gift no one could ever take a way -- yourself. 

You can hide the pain that you feel and make others believe that you can move on but you can never deny the truth to yourself that the person who has failed and hurt you is still the person you will always choose to love. 

Whatever happens, it happens for a REASON. No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE. No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK. And no one fails out of love by chance, it is by CHOICE. 

There are some people who meet that somebody that they can never stop loving, no matter how hard they try. I wouldn't expect you to understand that, or even believe it, but trust me; there are some love that don't go away. And maybe that makes them crazy, but we should all be lucky to end with that somebody who has little of that insanity. Somebody who never lets go. Somebody who cherishes you forever. 

Life is not meant to be fast. Life is beautiful. So try to be slow and savor them all that Life may bring to you... for being hasty will you make miss some of the Life's best things and best things in Life are free.. 

HAPPY RETREAT!!! "

When I read this, all of them almost happened to me. Touching I can say. Lalo na yun part that says "You can hide the pain that you feel and make others believe that you can move on but you can never deny the truth to yourself that the person who has failed and hurt you is still the person you will always choose to love. " Parang ako yun ha, and si Rheg and well all of us who had a break up this year. hehe

By the, condolence to Mark Bautista, who his mother just passed away yesterday. Mark was my HS classmate, same section with Igz, Ian and Rheg, so I hope he will be ok and I know his mom is now at good hands in heaven. Let's just pray for the best of Mark and his family.

Actually nalaman ko lang ito when I woke up due to so many messages in my phone and that's one of them. I went to Arlington asap and talked to Mark and good thing, nandun kami ng mga brothers ko. We talked a lot but cut short because me and Igz have work tonight. But if we can return tomorrow, we can drop by again.  Speaking of break ups, while we're talking about break ups and relationships, parang this year ata eh year of the break ups. Parang hula daw last year na this year is not a good year for relationships. Totoo kaya yun, kasi of course, mga brothers ko except Ian eh single na, pati si Mark and yun isa namin kilala break na din ang kanilang GF then some friends ko din, so this is not really a good year to have a relationship, sabay ba to ng economic crisis? hehe Bakit naman ako di nakaabot man lang ng January 1 at break na kami? hahaha Oh well, sana next year ay ok na dapat ang relationships. All of us has a right to be happy with a special someone. 

So, that's all lang talaga ang bago, well, nakapaglinis ako ng shoes, kasi naman, letcheng maynilad, nagbakbak na naman ng kalye malapit sa min so yun mga grabe and putik dumikit sa shoes ko. hehe I was to clean them, good thing. I just love my shoes I guess. 

By the way, its Joanne's birthday today, 10/30/08. Happy birthday dude! hehe The varsitarian editor in chief in our college days. Very good writer, speaker and friend as well. hehe Dude, sana naman libre ka ng lunch para naman macelibrate ang birthday mo, kaso di ka free. I hope we can celebrate it sometime. Good luck to your new job and God bless as well, take care! 

What else? hmmm as of now, I just want to finish this week and rest. I have plans for this coming weekend but I just keep it with myself. hehe Thanks Ann for the letter, and tomorrow's blog will be senti. I keep the best or worse for last. It's your take. 

Am I still here by xmas? hehe 

rainy day

Well, after my shift I went home with my umbrella. hehe Ayun ulan ng ulan at pagdating ko sa bahay, I watched some shows kahit alam ko na di na dapat panoorin. hehe I took a bath and sleep right away. Masarap ang tulog ko coz of the rains, tama lang ang lamig and walang istorbo. After that, ayun straight to work and that's it, I am here, reading some news and bits about everything and nothing new except the fertilizer fund whistleblower is now home, at last. Namuti ang buhok sa kakaisip. Sana makonsensya siya kasi marami siya alam or kahit papano may alam siya kung pano naliquidate ang fertilizer fund ng ganun kadali. hehe

I think I will have a record for the most postings in a month. hehe I will know that at the end of this week. Medyo naaddict ako sa kakapost because maybe what happened to me this month and boredom I guess. Sana ok ang aming CE for last week and I hope this action plan will end by November so I can move on and start contributing to my team. hehe 

I don't know what else to say because I already said what I want these past days. Actually, I already know what will I post for the next coming days, but I will reserve the best for last. hehe Oh well, ayun pala, nagtext si Lynn at last, tnx lang daw.. hahahaha Wala na talaga, so I guess wait and see about her na lang. If that's the case, let's go to plan B, let's meet someone else or whatever. 

Oo nga pala, may Bipolar na kaya sa Music one? The biggest question is, ok kaya? Mas maganda kaya siya sa Fragmented. I will post my question later sa groups. hehe Kung hindi maganda, sa Tower Quiapo na lang ako bibili. hehe Ayan, wala na ko masulat. hehe 

Ayun, good na naman ang CE namin, so one more week and let's see what happens. hehe 

Lynn

So, I will be writing an advanced posting tonight due to some boredom. hehe Kung si Villa walang magawa, ako naman, while at work and idle, wala din magawa. hahaha May blog na naman siya na interesting, kaso ang haba, daming tanong na dapat isagot. hehe Anyway, why Lynn? Who is this person? Actually she is a friend of mine. A special one. hehe Anyway, this is the person I described in my blog under the title of "ang tanong na may sagot" dated, let's see if I am right, hmmmm 08/28/08. Almost 2 months na pala. hehe

Hay, it's a start of the a new week. I was able to test a desktop computer which is so cool, I wish I could have one like that. hehe The XPS 420, damn computer, so powerful and fast. Wala naman bago. Pag ako nagkaroon ng computer na yun, dapat magamit ko araw araw. hehe Unless there is any miracles. hehe Ok, why Lynn? Because it's her birthday today at 12 am of 10/28/08. hehe Happy birthday to her. Well, I don't know what to wish for her, actually we don't have any communication since last month. Siguro busy sa work, kasi naman, ang work niya is kinda hectic and may quota siya sa work, so sana makapahinga siya today. I believe wala siyang work today because birthday leave niya, yun ang sabi niya when the last time we met. hehe

Oh well, I hope ok na siya and whatever her plans are, I hope she will be successful. Hmmmmm, she is a special one for me, of course, like my college friends know, talagang siguro she is "perfect" what I knew before. I described her like that kasi naman, almost every trip, pareho kami. Hmmmm di naman kami nagaaway, minsan lang. hehe What else? Mabait naman siya, matalino din, tama lang. Maganda kung sa maganda, partida di na nagmamake up. hehe 

So, why we there is no relationship? I don't know either. hehe Maybe it's like she like someone else other than me, until now, so I don't stand a chance for it. If I want to pursue courting her, well, before I thought I can. But for these kind of times, I stepped backward and thought of, maybe I need to solve my problems first before going into trouble. hehe Or into this courtship thing, it's just I have so many things bothering me. I need to resolve those things first. Besides, I am not in a hurry. Yet. Depends if love comes to me like before, but if that comes, then I should do the right decisions. Well, for Lynn, I don't expect anything from you, if you think that you have no real feelings for me, that's fine, like I always said, I am here for you always... Naks, ang sweet naman ng ungas. Kaya bigo. hehe

Oh well, ganun talaga ang love, it's ironic, once you have it, it's the greatest feeling, but when it's gone, it's the painful thing that you want to remove it right away. Mahirap talaga, mahirap magmahal. Ika nga ni Bob Ong este ni Villa, "kung minsa'y nagmahal at nabigo ka, wag mawalan ng pag-asa. maaring magmamahal at mabibigo ka uli. panapanahon lang yan. malas mo lang minsan." - villa aranas. Ganun talaga. hehe 

Ang sabi ko nga, kung siguro maghahanap ako ng iba, siyempre yun kilala ko or yun close ko na. Mahirap pa kasi yun kilalanin pa or what, like what I said before. Pero, of course, I can meet somebody new, and be patient how that will go far. hehe Marami naman diyan, no one can tell how love really moves in mysterious ways. hehe You can find love or love finds you as other people say. 

Siguro with Lynn, I can say, not only perfect, but the perfect fit. Kapal ng mukha mo Alfred. hehe Pero yeah, that's what I can view. Sayang pero ano ba magagawa ko, love should work both ways, both parties di ba. 

Patay ako kay Rheg na naman, wasak, at aasarin na naman ako. hehe Pero di naman nagbabasa ng blog ko yun, or kahit sa mga close kong barkada. But that's fine. I do love the person. 

How about my ex? hehe Well, kung inaasar ako ni Rheg na kung siya eh madaling tanggapin ang kanyang ex, oo inaamin ko na sa kin din, tatanggapin ko din siya yun ex ko. hehe Pero siyempre, back to zero ulit, paghihirapan namin ibuild the relationship we have before. Maybe that's the reason why I am getting the images of her at my lonely moments in my room. hehe Pero naka move on naman ako na di ko naman siya iniisip masyado, ako na nga nangangamusta sa kanya but ayun walang reply. hehe I am going out naman with somebody and trying to at least meet somebody without thinking ano sasabihin niya or whatever since wala naman siya communication to me. Magaling magaling magaling. I will post my feelings about pudit later. hahaha

Happy birthday again to Lynn. 

aysus! aysus!!

Ayun sa tingin ko, eto na ang blog ko for Monday. At wala naman ako ilalagay pa masyado. Except, nung nakagising ako ng maaga today, wala na ko maisip gawin. Pero actually, nahirapan ako makatulog kasi sa kakaisip kagabi, marami pumapasok sa utak na talagang pili ko inaalis. Malalim na tagalog yun ha. hehe Pero seriously yeah, I had a hard time sleeping last night due to some thoughts. Past thoughts that keeps bothering me. 

Dapat nga last night, kinausap ko a few friends but oh well, they're not available. I was alone all night, but those thoughts bothering so much, bigla ako nagigising tapos tulog ulit. Letche. hehe Pero buti naman, after long hours of sleeping and wandering, I was able to sleep na agad. Of course, I can't discuss those things. But when I woke up, I am fine now, dapat nga di na ko magcocomputer pero hehe sometimes, rules are made to be broken. 3 people will be celebrating their birthdays this week. One, tapos na kahapon, si Lauren, ang cum laude. hehe Tomorrow, yes. hehe Rheg knows her, and lastly this coming Thursday, the varsi editor in chief wayback in college days. Puro college friends. College days are seem to be memorable, I like those days than my HS days, I always say this even in my previous posts. 

Oh well. Sana matapos na tong week, get my pay, visit loyola on November 1 and get a long rest again. Na realize ko, kung matutulog or magpahinga ako ng at least one day sa day off (that doesn't include Monday kasi sa gabi may pasok), di ako mastress masyado. Sabi nga ni Topel labas labas daw ako, sabi ko mas gusto ko ng pahinga lang saka gastos lang yan. (ang totoo, tinatamad ako) hehe Pero yeah, kung pang umaga lang work ko, no problem, araw araw may ginagawa. hehe 

When will that day come? Aysus. 

slacker uprising

Di naman ako slacker. hehe Anyway, after posting my blog last Saturday, eh nakakuha ako ng mcafee extension for free, thanks to mininova.org. hehe So wala na ko problema sa virus scan or whatever. Medyo mabagal pa rin computer ko kasi sa sobrang dami ng files but that's fine, wala naman weird happening sa computer ko, ok na yun. Matagal yun download, like around 3 hours, so nakapanood naman ako ng TV. From PBA, hanggang Imbestigador, ayun kahit papano updated naman ako sa TV shows. hehe Akalain mo may nahuli pa lang pabrika dito malapit sa min, gawaan ng pekeng Guess shirts. hehe 

Nothing unusual happen, until Sunday came. I woke up early and proceed to church right away. Mga 7am tapos na ko then kumain sa Pares, pero siyempre iba naman inorder ko, different from the usual Pares, beef wanton mami naman ang inorder ko. hehe I realized, masarap din pala sila mag mami, at a lower cost unlike sa Jonas. At last, may chili sauce naman ako naabutan nung kumain ako ng mami. hehe Ang panget lang, walang siopao after ko kumain ng mami kasi naubos at kakalagay lang nila ng bagong salang. So, ganun talaga, sa 24 hour resto of Pares. Some orders run out. 

After that, dumaan ako sa Suki, buy some stuff, and do some errands. At paguwi, linis agad ng kuwarto, linis ng electric fan at ayun, napagod, pero nagcomputer naman agad ako. hehe Dapat kahapon pa ko nagpost but I don't have anything to write until I watched the free Michael Moore's film slacker uprising. First I went to their website, watched the trailer and sign up to watch the movie since it's free. I opened my emai and there is a link for the film, but alas, there is a warning that the viewer should be residing in the US or Canada. It means, they can detect the subscriber. hehe The reason they prohibit viewers outside the US or Canada due to some warning from their lawyers. hehe Pero I did not give up, I went straight to youtube, and there it is. I watched the film for free. hehe 

Well, it's about Moore's campaign in 2004 to encourage non voters or slackers who doesn't care the election day, especially the youth to come out and vote. It's a really interesting documentary, not as shocking in Fahrenheit 9/11 or Sicko, but an opening realization that US really needs a change of perception of voting the right people. Remember, they tested Bush and see what happen to them now, very tragic. Of course, the film includes the usual Moore antics and involvement of people, not only the normal people, but also hollywood stars from REM, Roseanne up to Tom of RATM. hehe It's a good one, and I enjoyed it. They should do the right thing this time of the year, because if not, they will just crumble into bits. hehe I am talking about the voters in the coming US election, they should go for Obama. At least for a change. But one personality that caught my attention after watching that film and the presidential debates, it is Ron Paul. He is against all the policies that Bush pushed, even the Democrats proposition as well, he is against it. Parang gusto niya is to have a normal US system that doesn't meddle other countries problems. I mean, normal US system na kaya supportahan sarili nila without borrowing money from others, unlike they are doing today. Kaya kahit wala na siya sa race, maraming kano ang gusto siya maging president. I watched some of his clips and it does make sense. Pwede naman siya tumakbo as independent or gawa siya ng sarili niyang party, pero di ata pwede yun sa US. 

Hay, sana tumino ang mga kano this coming November 4. The world will be watching next week. Are we going to witness the first black US president next week? Or the continuation of a regime who wants to dominate the world? Parang kano ako noh. hehe Pero wala lang, naaawa lang ako sa US, they have everything but due to mismanagement, they are falling into a bad shape.  

After that, nakatulog na ko at balak ko sana magpost kagabi, kaso ayun tinulugan ko na lang. hehe Nanalo ang Coke under coach Duremdes? hehe Buti naman ang Purefoods nanalo kagabi kasi kung hindi, kakahiya sila. hehe 

Lucky for me, I am not a slacker anymore, I don't want to be jobless for more than 3 months you see. hehe

Leave Me Alone

On a thousand islands in the sea
I see a thousand people just like me
A hundred unions in the snow
I watch them walking, falling in a row
We live always underground
It's going to be so quiet in here tonight
A thousand islands in the sea
It's a shame

And a hundred years ago
A sailor trod this ground I stood upon
Take me away everyon when it looks down

From my head to my toes
From the words in the book
I see a vision that would bring me luck
From my head to my toes
Through my teeth, through my nose
You get these words wrong
You get these words wrong
Every time
You get these words wrong
I just smile

But from my head to my toes
From my knees to my eyes
Every time I watch the sky
For these last few days leave me alone
But for these last few days leave me alone
Leave me alone
Leave me alone

That's all I can say today. I got my sleep, nothing to do, just leave me alone, just for this night. 

Very dramatic isn't it? hehe Don't worry, nothing new to me. No drastic changes, no miracles happened, I just slept so long. I slept alone.

Oh, this is the best New Order song. From the intro up to the end of the song, simply the best.