Agony

Yes, it is very hard to cope with it.. Many times in my life, I don't know, like asking myself, why I'm still here? I tried to really cheer up myself these past days but well.. Nothing happened.

Thinking what will happen to my shop today..

Or how's my survey to help our team at work.. To have high stats and still stay in the company..

My magic decks which are always pending to be built. hehe

The family as well.. My loving family.. I just hope, we're always ok.

My tired body which, well, not yet sick..

My mind.. Yes, I don't know why it's not yet breaking down, but thank God.. It's still here, thinking of ways and plans.. Thinking forward.

My heart.. I guess, it's always been hurt.

My soul? Little fire left..

That's the reason why I look so tired.. With everything I need to think, do and look for, I felt, it's never ending.. An unforseen end of a tunnel.

A bottomless pit.

It's like in the movie inception, Cobbs has multiple aspects in his life, hidden in his dreams.. As the elevator goes lower, more secrets or feelings left hidden. Kept hidden..

Unfortunately, no Adriadne tried to discover those floors. Mal? Hmmmm.. hehe

Add to that.. Her.

What keeps me going despite all of this?

You're looking at it. That's one..

Hope is another one. Never ending burning of hope that one day, at least most of those pains will go away.

Him above, as I pray everyday, I'll do my best to do my part for you and I hope, I do believe, you'll do your part.

Of course, faith.. That I can do this and see that end of the road. Faith to the people around me, family, friends, team and everyone I know. hehe I believe in them. Even her.

Love, yes, there is still love to myself and I just love doing this. Maybe it may go wrong but I just love going over and do the best thing.. That I know, I love for.

I love even agony.. because it improves me and drives me to do better just to have it away. Go away please!

For now.. it runs through me, every single moment.

Silly.