What if..

(I have my own car)

Oo nga pala, nasulat ko na dati na may lisensya ako pero di na ko marunong magdrive. Nakakatakot pa, yun huling nagturo sa kin na magdrive eh nasa langit na. Sumalangit nawa siya. 

Paano kaya, may kotse ako? Simple lang, pero siyempre yun less ang sira, at siguro diesel para mura gasolina. Besides, I'm not really going out much. Lalo na ngayon,  napakatrapik. Kung kailan tumanda ako, aba tumitindi ang trapik. Parang ok magkotse pag malapit or sobrang layo ng pupuntahan. Pero kung kaya iFX or kung alam mo lagi trapik, parang mas ok pa macommute. Lalo na sa mga panahon ngayon, dami pa inaayos na daan, at malas malas, walang kwenta MRT.

Magkotse ako, hmmmm gabi siguro para madali magdrive. hehe Or sobrang maaga. Pag may gimik siguro, malamang dala ako kotse gaya ng nood ng sine or pag outing. Maganda nga pag crosswind para marami makasakay. hehe Or kung pang date, BMW. hahaha Dahil di naman maganda mga kalsada, ok na yun mga di masyado mahal na kotse. Kasi pag mamahalin, grabe, masisira ang kotse mo dahil sa dami ng lubak. 

Paano kaya pag bad trip, malamang mang trip ako lumabas sandali nakakotse, going nowhere for a while tapos uwi. Kaso, naisip ko din di ko gawin kasi nakakatamad magdrive, unless maganda sound system. Kaso dahil mahal ang gas, kahit diesel pa, aba mahal lumabas. hehe Tipid tipid din. 

What kind of car I like? Hmmmm basta BMW or if I'm super rich, Porsche. haha Billionaire, hmmm Zonda or Bugatti. Pesteng top gear yun, kaya ako naddik sa dalawang kotseng yun. Actually may iba pa, kaso hahaba lang ang post na ito. hehe

Kahit sedan or second hand, as long it runs, less maintenance, or manageable at great sound system. Yun ang kotse idrive ko. I just don't know when in this lifetime. hahaha Ah yes, di naman harurot agad o full speed, defensive driving na lang. Safe and sound na lang, wala naman ako need for speed unlike others. Unless kung malalate na ko. hehe

Places to go.. Somewhere less or no buildiings. Para maiba scenery. Probinsya malamang pero wag naman malayo, yun mga tipong 8 oras ka magdrive. hahaha

If I have my first car, color black or blue. Important. hehe Napapahingal na lang ako pag naiisip ko yun, sana nga makadrive ako isa..

Even once.. Alone or with somebody.. 

broken lines (collection 52)

Ikaw ay isang Lourdesian, 
Di makaporma pag Monday to Thursday, sa buhok na lang ang porma..
Walang choice kung hindi magtiyaga, at maghintay..
Dahil Friday, todo porma na. Naging conio pa! hehe

Ikaw ay isang Lourdesian, 
Alam dapat ang morning praise kailan simula..
Kung malate ka, ang bagsak kay Ma'am Avila at APSA! hahaha
Kaya dapat, maaga o kung malate lang, dapat bahay ay malapit. 
Sa may mga bahay na malapit, wag sumabit at mag rason na kaw ay natrapik! hehe

Ikaw ay isang Lourdesian,
Kung malapit ang bahay, dapat nakalunch pass.
Tipid na sa baon, at higit sa lahat nakakapahinga pa, may Eat Bulaga pa!
At kung kinakailangan, tapusin ang mga assignment na panghapon. hehe

Ikaw ay isang Lourdesian,
Kokopya na lang ng notes, dapat ay malinis! 
Kahit medyo alangin sa grades, sa quiz or project..
Kahit papano, ang notebook/filler ay malinis at makinis! 
Sigurado na ang 10% mo, kahit walang natutunan. hehe

Ikaw ay isang Lourdesian..
Pag Lourdes Hymn na, sa simulat at wakas lang kakanta!
Kahit graduate na at lahat tapos na, yun lang maalala.
Let us blend our tongues, sing praises!
Hail to thee!!! hehe

Ikaw ay isang Lourdesian..
Lahat ng pinagagawa ng mga titser ay napagdaanan mo na! hehe
Kanta, tumula, mag acting, gumawa ng ganito at ganyan, lahat na! Kahit parol, ikaw pa! hahaha
Pag di mo magawa, hanap na ng gagawa, at pag di magawa, aabsent para makawala kahit papano. hehe

Ang galing ng Lourdesian!

Itutuloy.. =)

Conversion to Light

Infinite darkness will succumb by a ray of light. Light shows as hope. Hope brings faith.. Faith becomes Love. Weird logic right? I can't imagine I always think that all the time but maybe it's not going inside me. Deeply.

For sure, I should be mature enough but it's just, the hardest obstacles are now here. I need maybe more than those values I mentioned above. Or even sheer will. Or motivational speeches. Or even great readings. 

I know why I'm like this, damn age. I'm becoming more bitter and most of all, envy which I don't really feel before. As you age, wisdom becomes a lot yet, some dark force also grows. Going from the past, or worse, regrets. I know and admit I haven't reach a lot after a decade from graduation, and add to that pressure from my home, I don't know what to do. I also thought, better end up dead. 

But as years goes by, a mysterious force or presence that always come to rescue me. It is always him. Jesus there to save me. Always. But I don't go further than that. Maybe I look back at him after he saves me, like those one of the lepers he healed. Out of the ten he healed, only one returned, the nine just left. I'm one of those who left. Yes, despite that gospel did not really say those nine are selfish, but of course, if you look at that context, well.. I understand that Jesus did not judge those nine, but when those nine left, I knew they felt the guilt of not being grateful or even thank Him. 

It also did not say if they converted as well. I always hear even straight from Him that after he forgives, he says sin no more. That second line really I fail.. It's simply convesion yet I fail. I failed many times. 

Now, I can do is different. Instead of focusing so much on every thought or action I do or even doing promises, what I do.. I'll do something else. What I will do are well.. First, do a lot of things. Maybe, I always think I'm sick which I'm not anymore. Do a lot of things, like what I'm doing now. Another, to refresh other people to refresh one's self. It's weird but despite, I'll get tired, I will do my best to focus maybe or even tiring help the people around me and others. Serving Him, at least paying back his love for me for all this time. I know that not even one person can pay him back what love he gave to us. 

Well, it's better to do it and I know he'll be fine with it up there. 

Now, despite I have an afraid heart, I should convert into a brave one. To embrace change, and most of all, optimistic despite odds. Despite doubt, and even defeat. Always look forward a new day ahead! Don't forget, of course, I have one beside, the one who keeps me going..

Till the end. Whether it's a success or failure. I know the best thing to do, is to give your best. Try as well..

I know this will be a long process of reconciliation, I admit it, going to conversion and the last thing, a bit easier than conversion.. 

Commission. I want to be at that state. =)

Reflecting into the Abyss

I don't know but I'm quite relieved and thought stupid within the course of the Holy Week. After such contemplating and stuff, I'm now in an abyss.. 

I'm in a state of confusion as some of my other matters settled. Maybe as I reach that position of making it through, I fall again into that abyss.. I don't know why is this happening or what. Maybe some things, old ways doesn't seems to go away. It's sad for me, and due to some pressures I face, I'm kinda down at moment. 

Anyway, I admit, those old ways, darn JAV.. Can't get over that addiction. Despite it's one of the reasons I love Nippon, it's still causing me such guilt and yes, into sin. I don't know what to do get over with it, even after Holy Week or maybe I'm sick or stressed out despite I had a great rest. Honestly, I'm really tired after those years of watching it but when that moment comes, I feel such satisfied. After that, yes, crappy feeling. 

Confusing isn't it? But after hearing that message for the past week.. I know that Jesus, has plans already. Even in this state, or before.. I believe in his words, he doesn't look at my past or even my sins. It means, he'll always be there. Always..

It's up to me, to go forward and be renewed. I don't know how or if that's is possible. But I should never doubt from this moment forward, what he can do for me. I'm anxious, or even paranoid, but what less support I got outside, of course people are getting busy left and right... Less comfort I can get from others at this point yet, well... I have no choice but for now, I know I might sound selfish or self contained.. It's time for me, to have courage and be renewed!

Conversion!

End of First Quarter

3 months parang bula lang this 2015. hehe akala ko nga 2014 pa din. hehe Short recap for the past 3 months.

January - Di ko lam kung good or bad start. So-so perhaps. Kahit kaunti na lang sakit ko eh para nakakaadjust pa din. Pero bumubuti naman sa work pero sa finances, ayun, sobra sa tipid tipid. hahaha Pero grabe pala ang lamig ng January, parang namiss ko nga ngayon yun lamig sa hapon. I can say ok naman January.

February - Love month, same month. Nothing new or surprising. Except siguro ano. hahaha Ok na eh, dapat wala na ko absent kaso ewan ko ba, nahilo lang ko. Pero after that ok na. Ah yes, siyempre ano nga ba naman ang kasal ni Rheg. Very romantic yet painstaking kasi sa suspender na yun. Pag naiisip ko yun, hinahawakan ko yun right shoulder ko. Bwisit. hehe Ah yes, eto pala nagstart writing for another endeavor which I'll explain later. Parang journalist ang dating ko dito. Slight lang. hehe Ah, yes, that was the time na medyo planned na. Basta sundin na lang. Other than that, hmmm Ayun naghabol ako ng blog ko at thank God, natapos ko ang target. Algerro started to stay again here, much better at the same room. Great.. Whew.

March - speaking sa target, eto na ang panghuli for this month at ayos habol na ko. hahaha Kala ko masisilat. Grabe, yun LBM ko last week tiniis ko at thank Lord di naman lumala at di ako SL. Ayoko ko na ng bawas sweldo. hehe Anyway, salamat no absent, ayos ang VL na sana marami pa sa susunod. hehe Yun lang medyo bumagal lang ko this month kasi siyempre mga aayusin here and there at yun pa sakit. Dagdag pa ang chores. Well, I don't know what else to say for this month pero grabe ang init.. Sakto pa talaga sa Holy Week ha. Ah, ano pa, good working naman sa office, paubos na pala ang aking back up. hehe Let's say, getting started na. Oh siyempre, handa na ang sarili sa playoffs mapa NBA at PBA!! At siyempre, handa na ang summer time. Although sana maenjoy ko kaso tipid muna. hahaha This year..

3 months was indeed fast. I hope the next ones will be slow but please wag naman ganito kainit ha!!! I really don't like summer. Pero iwas kati naman. hehe 

Wala kasing lamok, oh kala niyo ha. hahahaha

Eye of the Beholder

Pang apat ako sa nakapila dito, parang mga 50 ata nakapila papasok. Mabuti na lang di ako nalate. Hehe Di ako magrush for 5 minutes.  Ganda pala kahit papano ang bagong building. Nung tumagal nga lang at dumami na tenants eh di ko maisip.. Bakit yun left side na lang pwede kami sumakay. Anong silbi nung kanan. Parang pangbaba lang ata or sa ibang tenant. Hmph! Sino ba sila.. hehe Ano pa ba. Medyo matagal ha. Sayang ang bagong elevator at building. Kakabanas.

Mabuti na lang, nakikinig ako sa Kings of Convenience. Cool sounds.. Sana pinanood ko sila noong nagperform sila dito. Hehe Anyway, medyo matagal ha, yun kabilang side di naman gumagalaw, at lalo naman kami na sobrang haba na ng pila. Yun dalawang babae nasa harap ko, todo sa chismax. Hahaha Parehong malalaking bulas. Yun nasa harap ko, chill lang si ate. Mukhang di naman nagmamadali. Sabagay, maaga pa naman, quarter to 8 pa. Siguro kung  5-10 mins na lang, yun mga kasama mo aburido na kasi malalate. Hahaha

Yun mga likod ko ok lang din, humaba lang ang pila. Puro mga kafloor ko. Parang wala pa sa ibang center o nagkataon lang. Nakita ko yun isang taga Teletech, grabe parang instant bad trip ang feeling. Hehe Bwisit talaga. See? Ganun agad ang reaction ko sa Teletech. Ayos din yun LED TV nasa harap namin, commercials ng mga shows ng Araneta Colliseum at ads ng kanilang food group, like taco bell and siyempre Pizza Hut. Hehe Parang yun TV na nakita ko, ok na sakin yun. Hahaha Sarap manood ng mkv or mp4 files, blu ray files.. Wow. Wag naman yun 70 inch or the one parang 80 inch ata. That’s just so much kahit marami akong pera. Hahaha it’s either, 32-40 inch LED TV or Projector. Other than that, wag na. I mean luxury TV. Kahit wala na nga net connection. Simply TV will suffice.

Sina ate sa sarap todo chismax pa din at nakita ko na yun isang elevator na pabukas na. Una na kami nakapasok, silang dalawa mukhang maiiwan pa. Eh napansin. Hahaha Pumasok bigla ang mga ate.

Sinara ko na yun elevator at may mga pesteng pumasok pa! Erghh. Ang babagal kasi. Ayun ipit ako sa loob. Mabuti na lang 8th floor lang ako. Hehe Well, agony never stopped there. Tumigil sa 4th floor kasi yun mga sasakay galing mall eh ayun pahiya. Hehe At yun 5th floor na galing 7/11 eh napahiya din. Parang MRT lang to, next train na lang. hahaha  6th floor, isa lang bumaba, galing pa sa likod. 7th floor may bumaba galing din sa likod. At sa wakas, 8th floor, parang ako lang bumaba. Pero ayun, partida kahit naghintay, dami pang oras. Daan sa locker at akalain mo yun kashare ko sa locker nandiya pa siya! 3 hours OTY?

Then enter yun drum beat ng Don’t you forget about me…

Not Showing: Life Itself

After the death of Roger Ebert, I was surprised to hear a news about his documentary. I mean, it still fresh and I don’t know what parts of his life were covered.  Well, after watching it, I am very well surprised and pleased with it! Every movie fan, critic or well, anybody who loves movies should see this documentary.  It’s short yet very special and inspiring.

The only flaw I can see in this film, is well, not really a flaw but I’m more interested seeing it. How he was able to do his style of critic. I mean sure you can read his reviews or watch it as well but in the film, due to its narrative pace, it did not dwell on that. He has some inspirations shown there and how he dealt even his own works, but how he was able to do it. I hope it devoted some time at that part, but it was less discussed or shown for this film.

However, that did not dampen really my likeness into this film. I mean despite it could go long, but the director was able to get the important parts and works of Robert and fit it in just the right amount of time. I love the interviews done throughout the industry, such as Martin Scorsese, and the other stars, movie critics who not only his rival but also inspired from him. The other movie directors who were lighten up because of his harsh or constructive criticism or even slightest of praise or even that simple two thumbs up label. I love the scenes showing his TV show with Siskel, darn I hope it had reruns or I hope somebody could do that again. But I saw it already, actually many of them in youtube. But that old time, it’s quite ahead.

I’m also became very educated while watching this film, especially that he actually made a film as a screenwriter. Even written for just one film, that's an achievement. I feel I could do that as well, writing a screenplay in the future. hehe The one scene that I felt sympathy with him is the death of his rival/best friend Siskel. I mean you can feel from the narration of his friends and family that he quite got depressed when Siskel passed away. I mean, after working from ups and downs with someone and all of a sudden, took away. It's very sad. Another very sad moment, Roger's condition before he passed away. It's fun that despite his condition, he wrote until his final breath. it's sad that he got that disease and you saw in the film how he was coping hard on it. But the great thing is he never gave up writing and continue doing it and loving it! 

For me, he is the perfect movie critic. I mean I may get a lot of flak but a critic who not only came close with almost all the stars in hollywood is not a bad job. It's a great job and he never stopped and actually I hope he wrote more screenplays. Perfect critic I mean, he pulled no punches because what he felt. I mean some films he gave poor reviews but others gave it great, I still give him credit because that's what he felt. It's not others who like gave me impression, it's what he feels. That is what I did in some films I reviewed. Others views great or bad, for me sometimes it's opposite. 

I think every critic should do that. Besides, criticism has its own right, I mean the writer's rights. It's no standard for everybody else unless you have poor eyesight or hearing when watching a film. hehe But definitely, I was inspired by Roger Ebert and he's a legend in a simple work naming movie critic. I'm surprised this film was not nominated at least for best documentary though. Darn.. I still give it,

Two thumbs up!